Live, Learn, Love and Let Go
by DeBo81
Summary: When the dark side of police life hits close to home, Alexis Castle comes face to face with her worst fears.   Knockout & Rise Spoilers!
1. Chapter 1

**"Live, Learn, Love and Let Go"  
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****Winner of the 2012 Castle Fan Awards, "Judges Choice", in the fanfic category: Best Castle Family Story  
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**Hello friends! Are you ready for one last fic from me before the new season begins? Less than 3 weeks! Yay! Thank you for taking interest in my story. I'm really hoping this one is different from other finale/premiere fics that have flooded the internet this summer, because it's from Alexis' POV, but even more, I REALLY hope you enjoy it.  
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**So before I go any farther, it's only fair to say that this fic is completely based on what we saw in Knockout and the theories of Spoilers for the new season. So if you haven't seen the season three finale or the Comic con preview video or the ABC season 4 promo, you probably do not want to read any farther than this point. You've been warned.**

**Also, I want to clear up that I was several chapters in BEFORE the promo aired, and although I did change some content to make it fit with what we've been seeing... there will be some differences between the fic and what we're assuming we're seeing on pics and such. In fact I'm posting this earlier than I wanted to, because so much is coming out. I feel like I'm racing the show and so I figured if I began posting what I do have written so far, I won't feel so competitive with the promos and spoilers. Although we all know there really is no competition because I'm certainly no Andrew Marlowe. **

**Thanks again to my Beta and friend, Teelduo, for putting up with me. You're awesome!  
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**Disclaimer:  
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**I do not own ABC, Castle, or any of the characters, because if I did, I wouldn't be playing around on my computer, I'd totally be on set right now fangirling like a teenager.  
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"Live, Learn, Love and Let Go"

Chapter 1

As the clock approached midnight, Alexis Castle sat, curled up, on the over stuffed loveseat in her living room. The book she had been reading earlier was now long forgotten, as she typed out a text to her boyfriend, Ashley. When she read his hasty reply her face flushed and a quiet giggle escaped her lips.

Her response came quickly; her fingers flew across the touch screen keyboard, but just before hitting send, a new window popped up. It was a text from her dad.

**Won't B home 2nite**.

She switched back to Ashley's text and sent it before answering her father.

**Beckett? Hot Date? Or Hot Date w/ Beckett? **

Over the last several years, this had become the standard joking reply she always gave him when he let her know he was running late or not coming home.

Ashley's next text came long before her dad's did, and since that conversation was more interesting anyway, many minutes passed before the teen switched screens to see what her father had to say.

**Staying w/ Beckett if U need me. Capt. Montgomery was killed 2nite. U can tell Gram but no 1 else. We R safe, but she shouldn't B alone.**

This is not what Alexis expected to see. Shock and disbelief overwhelmed her, followed by concern for her father.

**OMG, What happened? R U OK?**

Now Ashley's texts were forgotten as Alexis waited impatiently for more information.

**Shot in the line of duty. He was alone. Physically we R fine. Emotionally, not so good.**

Although Alexis didn't really know the Captain, she'd met him a few times and felt as though she knew him through her dad's stories. Several silent tears slid down her cheeks as she realized that he was gone. She hurt for his family and co-workers and she hurt for her own dad as well.

**Give Beckett a hug for me. And take care of yourself. I'll C U 2morrow. Love U.**

**I LOVE YOU TOO.**

Alexis stared at her father's word's through the glassy sheen on tears.

When her phone pulsed in her hand, she remembered Ashley again. The fun and flirty feel of the evening was gone. She told him that she just got some bad news from her dad and wanted to go to bed. He asked if he could do anything for her and when she assured him everything was OK, they eventually said good night.

Martha wasn't home yet, so Alexis left a note on her bedroom door, and shuffled into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

When she looked into the mirror she was surprised to see how red and blotchy her face really was. Turning on the faucet to produce ice cold water, Alexis washed her face in the stinging water until she saw that the rosy fresh-scrubbed glow hid the ugly tears of before.

After changing into PJs and crawling into bed, the silence of the loft shut out even the sounds of the busy street below. Sleep evaded her, as thoughts of life and death filled her busy mind. She tried to remember if her dad had ever said anything about Captain Montgomery's family. She was pretty sure he was married. Did he have kids? Did he have grand kids? How many people would be devastated by this loss?

She didn't know what she would do if she lost her dad. It didn't matter that she was almost an adult, he was still the most important person in her life and she couldn't imagine loosing him.

About an hour later, she heard her grandmother come home. She was whistling, which was a sure sign she'd had a good time. The jaunty melody grew louder as the woman climbed the stairs. Alexis knew that as soon as she read the note she'd come to check on her, and she didn't feel like talking. She turned on her side and shut her eyes just as the tune came to an abrupt stop. Only another moment passed before light from the hall flooded into her room.

Alexis could feel her Gram's stare on the back of her head. She worked to keep her breathing soft and even so that the other woman would retreat.

When the door clicked shut, she breathed a sigh of relief.

The sounds of Martha retiring for the night could be heard for a while but when all was silent, Alexis got out of bed. She wanted to feel closer to her dad, to hug him, to see him and know that he was safe. But since that wasn't possible, she'd settle for the next best thing.

Grabbing her robe before opening the door, Alexis silently headed down the stairs and straight to the office. It didn't matter if he was in there or not, she could always feel her dad's presence in that room. At first, she turned on the desk lamp and just looked around in the pale light. She walked to the bookcase and ran her fingers over the spines of his works. When her finger nail grazed the cover of Heatwave, she stopped and pulled it out.

The book opened to the dedication. "To the extraordinary KB and all my friends at the 12th". As she read the words, a lump formed in her throat and she slammed the book shut and placed it back on the shelf. She came in here for comfort, not to be reminded of the the cops from the 12th who put their lives on the line everyday while her father tagged along.

Determined to put that out of her mind, she continued to look around the shadowy study. When she found the picture of her as a little girl, holding her dad's hand at the park, she took it and sat down in his chair. Alexis studied the image closely, not remembering that exact day, but many others just like it.

People could say a lot of things about Richard Castle, but no matter what they said, whether good or bad, no one could say that he wasn't a great dad. Alexis had always come first in his life and anyone who who really knew him, knew that.

Comforted by warm memories and the security of being in his domain, Alexis' eyes grew heavy. She forced them open before actually falling asleep but when she did, another photo, one on his desk, caught her attention. It had been taken at the police station Christmas party, the previous year.

There was her dad, complete with Santa hat, in the center of the picture,with his left arm around her and his right arm around Kate Beckett. For the first time in the five months it had been on his desk, it didn't bring a smile to the girl's face. Instead, she laid the picture face down and stood to go to bed. She was more exhausted than she thought though and ended up wondering a few feet into her dad's room instead. Blessedly, she was asleep almost the instant her head hit the pillow.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Alexis stood outside of the coffee shop where she was supposed to meet her dad. He was ten minutes late. She watched the mass of people passing her in both directions, hoping that she wouldn't have to wait long, but not one of them slowed down.

When she finally decided to reach for her phone to call him, he jogged up the sidewalk toward her.

"You're late," she teased as she handed him one of the two frozen cappuccinos.

He kissed her cheek and then took a long drink of the cold beverage.

"I'm sorry. We were questioning a suspect and it took a while. But the good news is, in the end, she sang like a bird and we cracked the case."

Alexis smiled. "Well that's good. So are you ready for an afternoon of father daughter fun?"

"Definitely! What's first?"

They began walking toward the subway entrance as they spoke.

"Ashley told me of this great new indoor rock climbing place that sounded fun."

"Sounds great! I'll bet you the price of admission into the movie tonight, that I make it to the top first."

"I'll take that bet Old Man!"

He stopped and scoffed. "Old man? Old man! I'll show you old!"

"Hopefully they'll have lockers so you can store your dentures and cane while we climb!"

Her dad began to launch into a humorously exaggerated tirade when a sound from the alley they were passing stopped them.

Behind a dumpster, a couple stood face to face arguing. The woman tried to get past the man but he shoved her up against the wall.

"Stay here and get ready to call 911 if necessary", Rick whispered to Alexis.

Before she could stop him, he was headed down the dark alley.

Alexis watched carefully from what she hoped was an out of sight area at the corner of the nearest building. Her dad approached with his hands up and called out to the shadowy man.

"I think the lady wants to leave. Why don't you allow her that courtesy?"

"Why don't you mind your own business and leave?"

The woman began shaking her head furiously.

Rick's back was to Alexis so she couldn't see him slip a hand into his pocket, but she could hear what he said.

"Buddy, here's $50, why don't you give the lady her purse back and take this instead?"

The man turned completely toward her dad and the woman saw her chance to run. Alexis relaxed and took her finger off of the send button on her phone. It looked like everything was going to work out.

The stranger reached his hand out to take the money, but as he did so, the gun in his hand caught the light of the sun.

Alexis fought to swallow her scream and frantically completed the call.

"You think I can be bought so easily, Uncle Pennybags? Give me your wallet and watch too."

"Look, there's no need for violence. You put the gun down and I'll give you what you want."

Immediately the gun was pressed to her father's temple.

Alexis was so transfixed by the scene unfolding in front of her that she never heard the emergency operator answer.

The mugger began shouting now. "I said give me your damn money!"

But before anything else could happen there was a loud bang and Alexis screamed.

Her world went dark for a second but then she heard her dad's voice.

"Alexis Honey! Wake up! It's just a dream."

The teen opened her eyes to find herself in her father's room. Daylight was filtering in from between the curtains and she was being hugged tightly in his strong arms.

"Dad?"

He pulled back so that he could look into her eyes. He looked as miserable as she felt.

"You're OK?" she whispered hoarsely.

His eyes questioned exactly what she meant, but he assured her anyway. "I'm fine."

Alexis sat up. She knew now that she'd been dreaming and he was indeed physically fine, but the haggard look of his face told a different story concerning his well being. "Are you sure?"

Rick swiped a messy lock of hair off of his face and let out a deep breath. "Yeah. I'll be OK. But what about you? There's a pile of photos on my desk and you haven't slept in my bed since you were seven."

She looked around the room and suddenly felt very awkward. "I just had a hard time sleeping and came down to your office to relax. It worked and I almost fell asleep in your chair."

She left it at that knowing her father would easily read between the lines. She didn't have to voice her fears or explain her actions for him to understand.

"I'm sorry I scared you last night. I just needed you to know why I was gone."

"You didn't scare me. I'm glad you told me. It just... it... it."

Usually poised and eloquent, Alexis was left unable to complete her sentence.

Rick kissed her head. "Don't worry Sweetie, I'm not going anywhere."

Alexis looked back up into her dad's face before standing up. He looked like he'd aged over night. His face was pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. His laugh lines looked more like wrinkles and the whites of his eyes were bloodshot, a telltale marker that he'd been crying or drinking, or possibly both.

She knew that even if she pressed him, right now he wouldn't open up anymore about how he was doing other than telling her he was fine. So she tried something else.

"How's Beckett?"

He swallowed and shook his head. "She's devastated. In many ways Roy was another father figure to her. Plus, well, I can't say much, but I think there's a part of her that feels like it should have been her."

Alexis didn't really know what to say about that. "Wow. Well I guess it's good you could be there for her."

"Yeah I came home to sleep a bit and shower, then I'm going back."

She must of made a face, because suddenly he began back peddling.

"Or, I just stay and hang out with you. You had a rough night too."

"No, Dad, please don't compare a night where I missed a couple hours sleep with what Beckett is going through. She needs you. Go. I'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Of course."

"And you would tell me if you weren't?"

She shifted from one foot to the other. "I am fine. I'm a big girl. Last night I was just a little upset, cuz I needed to see that you're OK. Now I've seen you, so don't worry about me."

Rick who was still sitting on his bed kicked off his shoes before laying back onto the mattress. "But I do worry about you."

"Get some rest, Dad. I'll see you later."

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**A/N First of all I want to say Thank You for the wonderful feedback. I didn't know if anyone would be interested in an Alexis story, and by the look of it, you are! What a relief! I just hope I don't let you down!**

**Second, I hadn't planned on posting this today, but I forgot about the holiday weekend and decided now was indeed the time to do it. Hopefully I can give you another chapter on Tuesday!**

**And third I promise all the chapters are not this short. I just finished the rough draft of the 7th chapter and there's at least a couple chapters that are a decent length.**

**Again thank you for the reviews, alerts, tweets and PM's but mostly thank you for reading! Have a great weekend! Have fun and be safe!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Five days had passed since the night of the Captain's death, and for an event that only remotely concerned her, it had certainly hung quite a dark cloud over her life.

Her grandmother was unnaturally reserved, almost sullen, and her dad had an almost palpable depression surrounding him. Occasionally she was relieved that he was spending so few waking hours at home, but most of the time she missed him. Before the shooting, it didn't bother her when their busy lives didn't match up, but this week she craved his attention. She knew he wasn't avoiding her; that he was doing what he thought was best by staying near Beckett, but a part of her selfishly wanted to make it better for him and at the same time she wanted him to comfort her instead of the detective.

Last night was the longest she'd been with him in almost a week, but it brought little respite. They, along with Gram, all attended the wake together. For several hours, the Castle family along with Detectives Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito and several other officers she recognized, were adopted into the Montgomery family as they celebrated the life of Roy, son, brother, husband, father and friend. There was as much laughter as there were tears. His family shared memories, stories and pictures with everyone who attended the visitation. Today's formal police funeral would memorialize Captain Montgomery, the respected police officer, but last night was about remembering Roy Montgomery, the man.

"Are you almost ready, Dear?" Martha called up the stairs. "The driver just called. Our car is here."

"I'll be down in a minute," Alexis answered.

She finished brushing her hair and took a long look in the mirror. Although she was satisfied with her appearance, she waited there a moment longer, staring, stalling, avoiding the funeral for as long as she could. Eventually she knew it was time, took a deep breath, grabbed her purse from the chair, some tissues from her dresser and headed out.

The ride across town was slow but never stopped; the morning rush now over. Alexis sat next to her grandmother in the backseat of the town car, staring silently out the window. The bright blue sky and cheerful May sunshine made her think it a day more fitting a wedding than a funeral, but since when did one's mood direct the weather?

Martha placed her immaculately manicured hand over her granddaughter's. "How ya doin' Kiddo?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "I'm fine."

"On another day I would be thrilled to see the family acting gene making it's grand appearance, but we're off stage now, Love, you can end the performance. Its OK to be upset."

"I know. I just don't know why I'm so upset. I hardly knew the Captain."

"I was a little surprised when your dad told me you wanted to come today."

Alexis turned to face Martha and found a pair of searching blue eyes, so much like her dad's and even her own. "I wasn't going to. I was just going to pay my respects at the visitation last night, but then after a few hours with his family, I felt like I knew him better. The few times I met him at the station or when he came to our place for poker nights, he was always really kind and charming and funny, and everything I learned about him and his family really magnified that. Plus, dad isn't a cop, but he thinks he is. In some strange way, I felt like I had a sorta bond with his kids. We know what it's like to go to bed and wonder if the sirens on the street involve someone you love. I just thought that by going to the funeral today I could really say goodbye."

The older hand squeezed the younger one. "I think you're doing the right thing. Roy will never know if you came or not, but you will and his family will. They'll feel your support and you'll hopefully find some peace."

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When they arrived at the cemetery, the car dropped them off at the chapel where people were beginning to gather. Before going to the burial, there would be a short service officiated by the family's minister.

Evelyn Montgomery stood at the front of the glass chapel with her children, Mary, Rebecca and Aaron who flew home from college after receiving the news. The polished casket rested, open, behind them, and was flanked on all sides by lavish baskets, vases and wreathes of flowers. A somber line of well wishers, that included the Mayor and a man Alexis thought was the Police Commissioner waited to give their condolences to the grieving family.

Extended family and friends mingled quietly in small groups around the building. Police officers in their dress blues were scattered around too, but mainly hung around in the back.

One group of officers though, stood near the front, not far from the Captain's widow. Alexis and Martha walked silently toward them.

Alexis had never seen the detectives in their uniforms before, and considering the circumstances that they wore them, she realized she hoped that she never would again. With them was Dr. Parish who she'd met at the holiday parties, Beckett's dad and her father.

Rick held out his arms the moment he spotted his family. Alexis gratefully stepped into his embrace. By the time he loosened his arms, allowing her to step back, Beckett was already introducing her dad.

"Martha, Alexis, I'd like you to meet my father, Jim Beckett."

Mr. Beckett reached out and shook Martha's hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Jim. I wish it was under better circumstances."

Several people nodded.

"Did you know Captain Montgomery?"

"We've been known to play a few holes together throughout the years. I met him right after Katie joined his team. He shared my fatherly instinct when it came to her, and although she can take care of herself, it was nice to know others were too."

Alexis noticed an awkward tension among most of the group and for some reason felt the need to break it.

"Nice to see you again, Mr, Beckett, " she said reaching out a hand.

Kate frowned. "I didn't know you guys had met before."

Alexis began to answer that she'd met him last week when he came to the loft, but her father squeezed her shoulder as Jim answered his daughter.

"We, uh, met one time at the station. Happened to be looking for you two at the same time but you were out."

Alexis didn't know why Jim would lie about that but didn't have time to question it because the Reverend invited everyone to sit.

Dr. Parish led the group down the row of white seats. She was followed by Esposito, Ryan, Jim, Kate and then Rick. Alexis and then Martha followed him. It shouldn't have bothered her, but it really sent a shiver of annoyance down Alexis' spine that her dad essentially escorted Beckett to her seat but not her.

The next half hour was filled with scriptures, songs, a brief but comforting message from the minister and then a few words from the Captain's brother. After closing with a prayer, the pallbearers were summoned by the funeral director to come forward and move the casket to the hearse.

When her father stood with the five uniformed officers, Alexis was completely surprised. They moved forward as a group, donned starched white gloves and then waited as two others closed the casket and placed an American flag over it.

Then, as if practiced, all six moved to their places and lifted their burden. Detective Esposito softly gave commands as they slowly marched out the door. As her father's back disappeared out the exit, a troubling thought coaxed a lone tear to fall onto her cheek. It didn't matter if her father was a trained officer or not, for better or worse, he was one of them.

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At the grave site, Alexis tried to focus on the details of the day instead of dwelling on her feelings.

She looked around and saw that many more police officers waited on the grounds, some lined up, some taking seats, others keeping to the perimeter, as if guarding the family's privacy. More flowers were placed around the site, their bright cheerful colors feeling somewhat out of place. All the flags within eyesight were respectfully lowered to half mass and the NYPD's pipe and drum line played a sorrowful tune as the mourners were seated and the deceased and his family arrived.

The small cluster of Montgomerys filed out from the limo behind the hearse and were escorted to their seats by a group of polished officers. Evelyn Montgomery took a seat between her young daughters with Aaron taking a seat next to his youngest sister.

For a moment after they sat, there was no sound. No bagpipes, no drums, no crying, no birds. Nothing. Then as one body, the drum line began a steady beat. Slowly the pallbearers removed the casket and marched toward the grave. When everything was in place, the flag that was being used as a shroud was folded and presented to the family. Then Ryan, Esposito and the two others she didn't know as well, took their seats. Her father and Beckett remained up front. When Kate took the podium, Alexis realized that perhaps her dad had been asked to speak as well.

Beckett's words to the gathered crowd were laced with emotion and more than once it was evident she swallowed back tears. "Roy Montgomery taught me what it meant to be a cop. He taught me that we are our bound by our choices, but we are more than our mistakes. Captain Montgomery once told me that for us, there is no victory, there are only battles. And in the end, the best that you hope for is to find a place to make your stand, and if you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you."

At this point, Kate stopped talking and shared a meaningful look with her dad. The silent gesture was not lost on Alexis, and it made her a little sick. The thought of her dad standing in any battle, let alone someone else's was more than a little upsetting.

She couldn't watch this anymore and dropped her gaze to her balled up fists in her lap. Beckett continued to speak.

"Our Captain would want us to carry on the fight. And even if there is a moment when we falter, he would want..."

The sound of her dad's panicked voice yelling "Kate!"jerked her attention back up. She saw her dad dive behind the podium, pulling Detective Beckett to the ground as he went.

Her grandmother pushed her forcefully to the ground while all around her, people were screaming. Dr. Parish who had been sitting quietly next to her only moments earlier was trying to climb over the chairs to get to the front, but was being held back by Esposito.

Through the riotous cacophony assaulting her ears, three phrases caught her attention, "Shots fired", Officer down" and "Beckett down".

All the air in Alexis' body left in a rush. Was Beckett just killed right in front of her? What about her dad?

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**A/N Hello all. I hope you had a great weekend. My long weekend was maybe too good, becasue unfortunately I didn't get ANY writing done, and I had hoped to get another chapter or two under my belt.**

**So after I get this posted I really need to focus. I'm running out of complete chapters to give you! Hopefully from this point on I can get a new one posted every other day or so, give or take. The good news about that is that you'll hopefully be getting nice regular (quick) updates. The downside though, is I still have a ton to write, but if my timeline and notes keep this story on track, I'm not sure if this will be complete before the finale which had been my original plan. Oh well.**

**Thank you so much for your continued support. Your feedback is priceless and encouraging. I appreciate each note!**

**Til next time, DeBo81**


	4. Chapter 4

**Good Morning! Last night I unexpectedly finished another future chapter, so to celebrate, I'm giving you another chapter! I hope you enjoy it!**

**Just as an FYI, I apologize if any of you have had issues with receiving alerts or posting comments or PMs, my account went all screwy sometime over the weekend and I didn't realize it until yesterday when I got absolutely no email at all, including the alert that my own chapter posted, or stories I follow that I know I have alerts set for. I checked my email settings & everything seemed OK, I checked my account settings on here and found that all my settings had been reset, which included turning off PMs and such. I've changed some stuff, so I hope it all works now, but I'm also hoping the webmaster will get back to me as well. If any of you have similar issues, shoot me a PM to tell me how you fixed it! Thanks!**

**Thank you for the continued feedback. I'm really happy you're enjoying the Alexis POV and twists. I know I haven't been doing a lot of personal replies, because I've been spending the little free time I've had writing, but I have read every Tweet and comment(even when they aren't sent to my email), and now want to give each of you a warm fuzzy hug!**

**Just as a reminder, in case you missed my Spoiler warning in the first chapter, from this chapter on, I'll be touching on "Rise" speculation, and beyond, so if you're staying Spoiler free, come back and finish reading in a couple weeks!**

**Still don't own any of the Castle characters settings etc... but you knew that already, didn't you?**

Chapter 4

A police officer Alexis didn't recognize ushered her and several others toward some squad cars, presumably to safety. She tried to step away to see what was going on but he effectively and deliberately blocked her view. Despite her cries that it was her father that was involved, he remained unswayed.

From where she and the others were being barricaded, Alexis could see cops swarming the cemetery, with weapons raised searching for the gunman. Ryan and Esposito stood guard over Kate and her dad who she assumed were still on the ground.

Her grandmother stood with Jim Beckett near the podium where, only minutes earlier, Beckett had been giving the eulogy, and watched as Dr. Parish and several first responders worked on the injured. It looked as if Jim and Gram were holding hands and crying, which only scared Alexis more.

What seemed like hours later, the first paramedics arrived. Three ambulances pulled in as close as possible, but only one stretcher was removed.

Alexis watched their every move, waiting to see who it was for. When they placed the backboard on the ground, everyone but Lanie stepped back to let them work. It was then that she saw her dad kneeling on the ground clutching Beckett's hand.

Now that she knew her father was alive, and apparently unharmed, time went from slow motion to fast forward. Beckett was immobilized, loaded onto the gurney, and rushed to the waiting ambulance with Dr. Parish and her dad in hot pursuit.

Jim and Martha also followed but stopped at the open back doors of the emergency vehicle. After a few minutes, Martha led Jim back towards the crowd hovering between the squad cars. Before they reached her, the ambulance sped away with two police cars, all of which had lights flashing and sirens screaming.

When Martha was only a few feet away, Alexis pushed past the police barricade and rushed into her grandmother's arms.

Alexis tried to speak but only a sob came out. Martha pulled her tight and then stepped back a bit.

"Honey, listen to me. Your father is fine. He wasn't hit," she paused and looked back at Jim who was white with shock and ringing his hands. She lowered her voice before continuing. "Beckett was though, and it looks serious."

Another sob escaped her lips, but even in that moment she didn't know if it was out of relief for her dad or fear for Kate.

"Detective Ryan is going to take Jim to the hospital, and I'm going with him. He shouldn't be alone right now. I may not be going through exactly the same thing he is, but we both saw our children go down today."

Martha cupped Alexis' cheeks in her hands. "As soon as they let you leave, I want you to take the car and go home. Call Ashley or Paige and have them meet you there. You shouldn't be alone right now either. I'll call you as soon as we know anything, OK?"

"No. I'm coming too."

"You're sure?"

"Definitely."

Martha didn't argue. She knew determination when she saw it. "Come on then. Lets not waste time talking about it."

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Alexis had never been in a car going so fast through the city before.

Detective Esposito who ended up having Jim Beckett with him, raced through the crowded urban streets with his lights and sirens going full force. Alexis and Martha were riding with Ryan, who was driving his personal vehicle but kept right on his partner's trail.

It only took ten minutes to get to the hospital. In heavy traffic the same trip could have taken close to an hour.

As the group rushed through the sliding doors toward the admissions receptionist, Alexis saw Lanie and her dad dejectedly enter the waiting room from the swinging doors behind the triage desk labeled, "Trauma Unit: Authorized Personal Only Beyond This Point".

Leaving the others behind, she grabbed her grandmother's hand rushed to her father's side. Despite the smeared blood stains across his clothes, he threw his arms around both of them.

"Dad, are you OK? What about Beckett?"

"I'm fine Sweetheart, but Kate's..." He left his words hanging but Dr. Parish finished for him. "Kate's getting the best possible care. I'm sure they'll be out here soon to give us an update."

Jim hadn't got any helpful information from the desk and came up behind them just in time to hear Lanie's answer. The others were just steps behind.

"You're a doctor and you were with her. Can't you tell me anything more about my little girl?"

"Mr. Beckett, I wish I could tell you everything's fine, but I don't know. I'm not a surgeon or a part of a trauma team. They'll be able to give you a more accurate prognosis."

As Alexis watched the exchange, she noticed a change in Jim's face.

"Excuse me Dr. Parish if this sounds rude, but cut the clinical bull. I hope that things aren't as bad as they seem, but as much as I want that hope, I don't want false hope. You're a medical examiner, you see worst case scenarios everyday and know what causes them as well as any trauma unit or surgeon. As I'm sure you know, I lost my wife unexpectedly. No preparation, no goodbyes. If I'm going to lose my little girl too, I just want to know."

Lanie studied him for a second before dropping her eyes to her hands, as if expecting to still see them dripping with her friend's blood. When she brought her eyes back up to the older man's, they were red rimmed and brimming with tears.

When she answered, her words were spoken softly and were full of emotion."The bullet was a thru and thru in her left chest, near her heart. She's lost a lot of blood and I'm positive she has a collapsed lung at minimum. She isn't stable and even with constant CPR, her vitals dropped dangerously low. For a lot of people these might be insurmountable odds, but your daughter is a fighter. People can and do survive injuries like this all the time. People like Kate. Are things critical? Certainly. But don't give up; because she hasn't."

The medical examiner's words brought on a new wave of emotion to everyone in the group, but also hope, because they knew what she said was the truth.

"Thank you for being honest with me. In my opinion, the scary truth is a lot easier to deal with than a sugar coated half truth."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Soon everyone found their way to the seating area, anxious to get an update. Ryan paced along a wall. Esposito hugged Lanie to his his side. Jim stood frozen, staring out the large glass window, and Alexis sat quietly between her father and Grandmother.

Watching the people she was surrounded by, broke her heart, but when she closed her eyes, the images of the shooting repeatedly flashed through her mind. She tried watching the nearly silent TV in the corner but the program on how to barbeque a whole chicken did nothing to interest or distract her. When she looked around at the strangers that were dotted throughout the room she felt like all of them were staring at their group, but dismissed that as paranoia. Finally out of desperation she picked up a Reader's Digest from the table in front of her and tried to find some solace there.

Alexis has just found an article worth reading when she heard her father whisper something beside her. When she turned to him to ask him what he said she found him hunched over, elbows on his knees and his face buried in his hands.

Again he said something, but she realized he was talking to himself. Shamelessly she listened harder to see what he was saying.

Most of the mumbled words were barely recognizable slurs but one phrase was clear. "It's all my fault."

Not embarrassed to admit she heard him, she placed her head on his shoulder and leaned in close to whisper, "It's not your fault. You did everything you could."

Her dad looked at her but didn't answer. Instead, he just shook his head.

This confused her because she knew what he'd done. He tried to warn Beckett and push her out of the way. Heck, he almost took the bullet for her!

Then realization dawned on Alexis. _Maybe he even tried to take the bullet for her._

Thoughts and memories swirled chaoticly through her mind. Pieces of what she didn't even know was a puzzle, began falling into place.

She knew her dad liked Beckett and cared a great deal for her, probably as even more than just friends or co-workers. But did he care enough to die for her? Did he love her that much?

Alexis took a long look at her dad. He had his head hung again and couldn't see her, allowing her to take it all in.

He was grieving. More so than anyone else in the room, aside from Mr. Beckett. Even Kate's best friend and partners didn't show the level of pain he did. That certainly said something about how he felt.

Dr. Parish interrupted the quiet that had settled over them, "Has anyone called Josh?"

"Who?" Jim asked the question Alexis had been thinking.

"Her boyfriend." Rick said flatly.

Alexis picked up on her dad's tone, disgust. More questions flooded her._ If Beckett has a boyfriend serious enough to call, does she know about how her dad feels about her? Had she rejected him? Was she playing both guys? Or was this something new, that was perhaps making her dad jealous? After all maybe Beckett and this Josh guy really weren't that serious if Jim didn't even know about him._

"We should tell him, I guess," said Ryan. "Anyone have his number?"

Nobody did, but Lanie had another thought. "Isn't this the hospital where he works?"

Alexis couldn't be positive, but she was pretty sure she heard her dad mutter something like "Great. Dr. Motorcycle Boy can pretend to come in and save the day again" before standing and saying out loud, "I'll go see if I can find some way to contact him."

But Esposito stood as well and headed for the door. "Maybe I should do that instead."

Maybe she wasn't the only one who recognized her dad's feelings, Alexis realized.

When the detective came back, a sophisticated looking woman who was wearing a gray power suit and maroon heels entered the room behind him and looked around, before walking toward them.

Jim and Detective Ryan came closer as she approached, and soon they completed a tightly knit group.

The woman extended a hand to Jim first, and then everyone else while making an introduction. "Mr. Beckett?"

"Yes."

"My name is Greta Lipinski, and I'm with the public relations department here at the hospital. I'm sorry to hear of your daughter's emergency today, but please rest assured she's getting the finest treatment in the city."

Jim didn't flinch.

"I've come to speak to you this afternoon, because I wanted you to know that due to the circumstances involved, not only has the NYPD posted their people directly outside of any room your daughter will be in, but our hospital security has been alerted as well."

Jim nodded.

"I'm also aware that because of the circumstances and also because of your daughter's connections with Mr. Castle, here, that the media will most likely try to become involved. I want to assure you that we are quite familiar with dealing with the press, and your daughter's privacy will be top priority, second only to her medical care." The woman paused and glanced around with a practiced look of sympathy.

"Now, if you'd like, I'd can escort you back to a private waiting room that we have for the family of more, sensitive or high profile cases."

Jim looked to her dad. "What do you think Rick? You have more experience with these kind of things."

Her dad looked to Ryan and Esposito who were nodding already. "I think it might be best for everyone."

Mr. Beckett brought his attention back to the PR woman, "Well then, if we can all go, I'll take you up on your offer."

She hesitated momentarily, her eyes roaming quickly over each of them. "Usually it's reserved just for family but,"

Jim interrupted. "We are her family."

Ms. Lipinski didn't argue. "Great! Then follow me."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Beckett's "family" was shown into one of three private lounges that were in a quiet hallway between between the triage area and the trauma unit.

It was definitely more than a step up from the public waiting area. Instead of plastic chairs there were two old but comfortable leather couches. Against the far wall was a tiny kitchenette with a coffee maker and a large basket that held a variety of snacks. The glass coffee table in the center of the room had a stack of current paperbacks and magazines, a desk of cards and the remote to the large flatscreen TV on the wall.

After Greta made sure everything was taken care of and all questions were answered, she left them alone again to continue waiting.

"Javi, were you able to contact Josh?" ask Dr. Parish.

"I talked to a nurse. He had just finished in surgery. She said she'd send him right down."

In one of those "speak of the devil" moments, the door opened and a man in surgical scrubs entered. Alexis didn't have to ask who he was; from her dad's body language she knew it was Dr. Josh.

Jim Beckett asked him about Kate immediately.

"She's um, stable, for the moment which is good." There was an audible sigh of relief from more than a couple people. "They're prepping her to be taken up to surgery in a few minutes. You're her dad, right?"

"Yes. Are you the doctor that's been dating Katie?"

"Yeah. I wish we met under better circumstances, but Kate's told me some wonderful things about you. After she's back on her feet we'll have to do dinner sometime."

Josh reached out to shake the other man's hand.

As Alexis watched the conversation unfold, she was appalled by the doctor's carefree attitude. Maybe being in these life and death situations every day made you forget the enormity of the situations, but how could he be so flippant in the faces of those who feared so much for the life that was at stake.

Jim Beckett didn't look impressed either and ignored the extended palm.

When Josh finally got the message, he dropped his hands and wiped them on his pants.

"When will I be able to see her?"

"Normally, not until she was out of recovery, but I pulled some strings. That's why I came to get you. She's not awake, and you'll need to scrub up first, but you'll be able to see her for a few minutes and maybe even take the elevator up to the surgical floor with her."

"What about the rest of us?" Lanie asked.

"Not until after the surgery, but there's a place outside the OR where you can wait. Although I didn't know _everyone_," he said rather pointedly at Castle, "Was going to be here, I'm sure there's room. I'll come back and take you all up in a few."

With that, the cocky surgeon strutted to the door and held it for the elder Beckett and then left with a parting glare at Rick.

As soon as the door closed, Alexis could no longer hold her tongue. "Is he always like that?"

"Yes." her father answered at the same time Lanie said "No."

Lanie shot Castle a loaded look.

"He's always seemed a little smarmy to me." Esposito declared. "I'm still not exactly sure what she sees in him."

"You mean besides the fact that he's a globe trotting, motorcycle riding, humanitarian, heart surgeon with a stunning physique and devilishly handsome bad boy good looks?" Ryan quipped, earning raised eyebrows from everyone else in the room. "What? It's true."

"You know, Dear," Martha said. "I've dated a surgeon or two in my time, and there's a reason they've earned the reputation of being arrogant. It's because most of them are. They spend almost all of their waking hours literally, holding life and death in the palms of their hands. I've heard some people say it's a coping mechanism. Personally, I think it sort of becomes a god-comlpex to them, thus creating an air of superiority."

"Exactly!" Rick jabbed

His mother leveled him with a stare. "I've known some writers like that as well."

Esposito tried to hide his smile at the barb.

"Cops aren't immune to it either," said Dr. Parish, completely removing the detective's previous smirk. "But no matter how we feel about him, not only do we need to be kind to him because he's dating Kate but also because he's a doctor here and that may be an asset."

Not long after the conversation ended, the cocky doctor returned.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The elevator ride up the five floors was a quiet one. When they stepped off the lift, Dr. Davidson turned away from the OR and then broke the silence before leading the group down the hall. "Due to security, instead of waiting in the hall outside the OR, I've been told to let you guys hang out in the staff lounge. You'll be more comfortable there too."

Ryan followed Alexis and was the last one to enter the spacious green room. "Thanks, man."

"No problem. Also, Dr. Parish, I've got you cleared to join me in the operating theater if you want to observe."

"You mean you're not doing the surgery?" Rick asked.

"I can't. Hospital policy."

Alexis watched her dad and the doctor size each other up.

"Oh!"

"Don't look so relieved, Castle. I'm one of the best surgeons in the city. I could save her life. You're the one she's always almost dying with."

Alexis balled her fists so that her nails dug into her palms. Her dad's face reddened and he took a step forward.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Why don't you tell me?" Josh took a step too.

"I would _ never, _ever, do anything to hurt Kate or put her in danger."

"Maybe not intentionally but.."

The two men were getting closer.

Esposito put a hand out and interjected. "Knock it off you two. This isn't a pissing contest. We're all stressed out here, but fighting isn't going to solve anything."

Both men stopped moving toward each other but her dad was the first to visibly back off. After what seemed like an eternity Dr. Josh turned toward the door.

"At least I'm there for her every time she needs me."

Davidson reeled back around. "What did you say?"

"You heard me Josh. I'm _always_ there for her. Good times and bad, not just when she fits into my schedule."

"You son of a bitch!" Josh yelled and shoved her father against the wall.

Alexis had never seen her dad in a fight before, and seeing someone attack him like this infuriated her.

Rick recovered quickly and charged back. "The truth hurts, doesn't it?"

Ryan and Esposito stepped between the men, but not before Josh landed a punch to her dad's mouth.

This was the breaking point for a Alexis and she lunged at the giant doctor in an unfamiliar fit of rage. "Noooooo!"

"Everyone stop!" Esposito shouted. He pressed himself up against the doctor until he sulked away, while Ryan coaxed her and her dad back to the wall.

"It's not enough that you get Kate into danger? Now you let your daughter fight your fights too?"

It took both cops to hold Rick back.

Ryan glared at the doctor. "Why don't you just shut up and leave before I have to break out my cuffs?"

A hand grasped Alexis' shaking shoulder. She turned to see her grandmother looking upset. "Alexis, what's gotten into you? You could have been knocked out, rushing at him like that," she hissed in her ear.

Dr. Davidson pulled the lounge door open and shot a dirty look at Castle before addressing Dr. Parish. "You coming or not?"

She studied the others in the room with apologetic eyes before finally nodding.

He left before she even began to follow.

When it was only the two detectives and the Castle family left in the room. Esposito play punched her dad in the arm. "He had that coming Bro, too bad you couldn't land a punch or two before we had to step in."

"Yeah, too bad." Rick commiserated. "But I have a feeling what I said hurt more than his punch did. He hits like a girl. Probably too worried about damaging his precious surgical hands."

Despite the claim of the girly punch, he had to wipe a spot of blood from his lip.

He turned to her. "You OK Sweetie?"

"I don't know. Should I be?" Sarcasm dripped thickly from every word.

"Did he hit you? Cuz if he did, I swear I'll..."

"Dad he didn't hit me. But what the hell is going on?"

"Alexis!" Martha exclaimed in surprise.

"No Gram. This is crazy! This whole situation is completely out of control. I can't be here anymore. I need to go."

"Alexis, wait. Let's talk about this." Her dad reached for her, but she sidestepped him and headed for the door.

"We can talk later. You need to be here, but I don't. I'm going home."

Her dad looked so defeated that she almost stayed. Almost. But her own anger and confusion propelled her on. Ignoring her grandmother who called after her, she headed for the elevators, passing Jim Beckett, and never looked back.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Once in the cab on the way home, she pulled her phone from her purse and pressed four on her speed dial, to call Ashley.

"Hey Lex," he answered on the second ring. "Is the funeral over?"

"Um yeah. I'm on the way home now. Hey, can you come over?"

"Sure. Are you OK? You sound upset."

"I am, but I don't want to talk about it over the phone."

"OK, well I'm at the batting cages with Nick and Greg, but we were just about to leave. Have you eaten yet? I can pick up some lunch on my way over."

"I'm not hungry, but bring something for yourself."

"You sure?"

"Yeah,"

"K then, I'll see you soon. And Lex, I love you,"

"I love you too. See you."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alexis made it home and changed out of her black dress into a purple tank top and gray yoga pants before Ashley knocked on the door.

The look on her face told him immediately that something was terribly wrong, much more than just the sadness that accompanied any funeral.

He quickly placed the drink tray and paper bag of take out on the nearest table and then pulled her toward him for a hug.

"Babe, what happened? You look like you saw a ghost."

Alexis pressed her face into Ashley's neck and began to tremble. He'd never seen her like this before and it scared him.

"While we were at the funeral, Detective Beckett was speaking and someone shot her, but my dad dived for her, I guess to get her out of the way, and I though he'd been shot too. Then they wouldn't let me see them and there were all these cops and ambulances and I thought they'd been killed right there in front of me. It was like all my nightmares came true!"

Ashley was floored. Obviously there was no way that he could have anticipated what his girlfriend just told him.

Not knowing what else to do, he held Alexis tightly to his chest and let her cry. A part of him felt like joining her.

"Oh my gosh, Baby, I'm so sorry. Are they OK? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"

Alexis shook her head no. "No, I was already there. My dad is fine. He wasn't hit. But Beckett was injured pretty bad and is having surgery. Dad and Gram and Mr Beckett and some of the other cops are all there waiting for her."

The loft grew silent. For the moment, there were no words to say.

"But its not just that, Ash. My dad loves her."

"Who? Detective Beckett?"

"Yeah."

"He told you that?"

"He didn't have to. I know him. He's wearing it like a sweater. He even got into a fist fight over her with the doctor she's dating, in the hospital!"

"Well, if she's seeing someone else, maybe she doesn't feel the same way."

"I don't think it matters. I've never seen him act like this before over other women, even ones he married."

"Is it a bad thing that he loves her? Would it bother you that much if they hooked up? I mean, it's not like she'll replace you or anything."

"It's not that. It's more that I think he'd do anything for her, no matter the cost."

Ashley wasn't sure what to say, so he just continued to hold her.

When Alexis' tears slowed and she began to relax, she remembered the food Ash had brought.

"Why don't you eat? I'm sure your lunch is probably cold by now."

His stomach growled a response he couldn't deny, so he got up to get the bag of burgers and fries.

"If you've changed your mind about being hungry, I brought you food too, and a double chocolate Oreo shake."

A half smile played on her lips. Ashley was a great guy and he really knew the way to her heart. "I'm still not hungry, but the shake does sound good."

The next several hours passed by slowly as they watched TV and waited for news on Kate. Gram had texted her while still in the cab, saying that the surgery had started and she'd call when they knew anything new.

When six o'clock rolled around they decided to make dinner. It gave them something to do and if her family came home they would probably be starved.

Side by side, Ashley and Alexis prepared enough salad and chicken parmesan to feed a small army. Alexis joked that it was a very domestic thing to do, but her smile never reached her eyes.

When the phone finally rang it wasn't her Gram. It was her dad.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm OK. How's Beckett?"

"She just came out of surgery."

"And?"

"And I'll spare you the medical mumble jumble, but right now she's stable. The bullet hit her heart, but not directly, it was just was nicked. Also her lung collapsed and she has some broken ribs."

"But she'll recover?" Alexis asked.

"We think so. The doctors did everything they could and she's a fighter."

"Well that's good. Do you know when you're coming home?"

"I don't know if I am. I want to stay with her if they let me. Gram will probably come home after Kate comes out of recovery and get's put in a room."

"Oh. OK," she answered, not really hiding her disappointment.

"I gotta get going. But there's one more thing you need to know." Rick lowered his voice as he spoke. "I've hired a private security detail to watch over all of us."

"Security! Why on earth would we need that?"

"Because, it's no coincidence that Kate was shot at Montgomery's funeral. It's more than likely that both shootings are connected. I'm sure that we'll all be fine, but I'd rather err on the side of caution. I can't talk about the case, but these aren't good people that we're dealing with."

"We? Not _we_ Dad, them. I'm not a part of this and you shouldn't be either. You're supposed to be observing cases not working them! I know you care about Beckett and that's the real reason you still shadow her, but can't you back off until this all blows over?"

"Sweetie, it's not that simple."

"Why not? It's not your job! It's not your responsibility! You're putting yourself and all of us in danger for what? Is it for the thrill or woman?"

"Alexis! It's not like that and you know it."

"Do I?"

"You're upset, and that's understandable. It's been a rough day; a rough couple of days. But you know that I would never put you or your grandmother in danger for my own gain."

"What about putting yourself in danger?"

His answer didn't come quick enough for Alexis.

"That's what I thought. I gotta go."

"Alexis, Honey, wait..." But she didn't hear anything more. She already clicked her phone off.

Alexis was shaking when she turned back to Ashley. He'd only heard her side of the conversation, but that was enough.

"Do you want to come stay at my place tonight. I know my mom would love to have you. She's been dying to have company since she redecorated the guest room."

"No. I'm not going to let this situation scare me out of my own home. Besides, Gram will be home in a few hours. I should be here."

"You sure?"

"Yes. But do you mind hanging out here a while longer? I don't want you to go."

"Of course. You know I love spending time with you."

Alexis wrapped her arms around her boyfriend and tipped her face up to kiss him. He happily complied and pulled her farther into the embrace.

He stroked her hair and kissed away her tears, hoping to bring her some much needed comfort.

His attention worked and she finally started to let go of the stress and hurt that she'd been drowning in. The longer he held her, the more relaxed she became and more relaxed she became the more passionate they became.

As they kissed, Alexis began backing toward the stairs with Ashley in tow. When she took a backward step up the first stair, he finally noticed where they were going.

"Alexis what are you doing?"

She dropped one hand from the back of his neck to the buckle of his belt. "What do you think I'm doing?"

Ashley stepped back to put some space between them and took both of her hands in his. "I think that you're letting your emotions make decisions that you'll regret later."

She smiled sweetly at him, but the grin had a distinctly coy edge to it. "How could I ever regret being with you? I love you."

"And I love you, and I'd love to be with you, but we've talked about this. You want to wait, and I want to wait til you're ready."

"So now the wait is over. I'm ready."

"You weren't ready three weeks ago."

"That was prom, there was too much pressure. Besides how cliche' is that?"

"And this isn't?"

Alexis dropped her hands and scowled at him. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're fighting with you're dad, maybe even feeling a little jealous of another woman in his life. Not to mention you've just come face to face with a major trauma. Many a romance movie has been based on less."

"If you don't want to be with me Ashley just say so."

"I do want to but I want to do it right. I'm worried that if we do this right now you'll never forgive yourself. I don't you ever regret being with me, but especially the first time. It's OK to wait."

"But if we wait, it may never happen. Apparently there's a killer out there thats dangerous enough to me that my dad hired private security to stalk me. Who knows how much time we have. I highly doubt that either the Captain or Beckett woke up that morning and thought they'd be shot."

"We aren't going to die anytime soon."

"You don't know that."

"No of course I don't, but it's a bet I'm willing to take."

"So, you don't want to be with me then?"

Ashley wiped his pained face with his hand and sighed. After a couple seconds he gathered Alexis back into his arms and touched his forehead to hers. "I want to be with you so badly it hurts, and we can go to your room right now if you can honestly tell me one thing."

"What?"

"Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that if all this stuff with the Captain and the funeral and your dad didn't happen, you'd still be ready right now?"

Alexis blinked and took a breath to answer but then averted her eyes.

"I don't know."

"That's not the vote of confidence I needed to hear."

"I know. But I can't lie to you either."

"I'm glad and I love you more because of that."

"I'm sorry, Ash."

"Don't be. You have no reason to be sorry."

"But I led you on."

He actually laughed at that. "Hardly! Will I need to take a cold shower when I get home, sure. But it won't be my first and certainly won't be my last either!"

XXXXXXXXXXX

It was near midnight when Martha came in and found Alexis and Ashley asleep on the couch in front of a long forgotten movie.

She picked up the remote and clicked off the TV, which woke both teens up.

"Hi Gram," Alexis said through a yawn. "What time is it?"

"11:40."

Ashley stood and stretched. "I need to get going. Are you going to be OK?"

Alexis stood and kissed his cheek. "Yeah, we'll be fine. Will I see you tomorrow?"

"I have to work til three, but then I'll come over if you want."

"Sounds good."

Ashley picked up his jacket and headed to the door, saying goodnight to Martha as he went. After he left, Alexis plopped back down on the couch.

Martha headed to the kitchen and raided the freezer for a pint of ice cream before joining her granddaughter on the couch.

Both women armed with spoons soon emptied the cardboard container. When it was all gone Alexis finally spoke.

"So how's Beckett?"

"I didn't see her personally, but I hear she's doing as well as can be expected. When I left, Jim was just coming out of her room and your dad was going to be next."

"Oh. Well I'm glad she's doing alright."

Another long silence passed between the women.

"It's not just you, you know?" Her Gram said softly.

"Excuse me?"

"Feeling, lost, confused, scared. He may be your father, but he's still my son. I worry about him too. This whole situation has left everyone reeling in its wake."

"I've never seen him like this before, Gram. I'm scared he's going to get himself killed. I wish he'd just walk away."

"From Beckett?"

Alexis thought about that for a moment before answering. "Not so much her personally, as much as from her job."

"He might argue they're one in the same."

"But they're not! Obviously Josh can care about her without playing cops and robbers."

"And from what we saw today, I'd say that isn't working for them."

"That's another reason to back off, she's in a relationship!"

"I wish I could tell you matters of the heart were that simple, but a lot of times they're not. I think that both your dad and Kate will have a lot to think about in the coming weeks concerning themselves and each other. And the way I see it you have two options on how to handle that. One, you can go to your dad and talk to him and let him know how you feel or two, you can sit back and see what develops. But either way; you have to accept what he decides to d,o whether it's what you want or not, and them move on. Remember, he's not doing anything to intentionally hurt you or anyone else."

Her grandmother's council made sense, but she was too exhausted to really think everything out right then.

She stood up and started heading for the stairs.

"Maybe you're right Gram. If he doesn't come home by morning I'll take him some breakfast and a change of clothes and maybe we can just talk it all out then. Right now, I need to get some sleep."

"Good idea Kiddo. I'm right behind you."

**X**

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**A/N... So you may agree with me, or you may not, but so far this is my favorite chapter. Aside from other things, I really find it therapeutic to give Josh hell! Hit the road Jack! :)**

**I'd LOVE to hear what you think about this one. I think there could be some serious differences in opinion, since I kind of stirred the pot here.**

**Also just so you know, I probably wont get any more up til Saturday night or Sunday so I hope this longer more action packed chapter left you appeased and yet craving more.**

**Until next time my friends, happy reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The next morning dawned as beautiful as the day before and was again in stark contrast with Alexis' mood. The night had been a long one spent fighting battles against the personal demons in her dreams.

By the time exhaustion claimed her, the sun's earliest rays were already peeping over the horizon.

After showering, Alexis headed downstairs and straight to the coffee pot her grandmother already had bubbling.

"Didn't sleep well Kiddo?" Martha asked from the dining room table.

"Falling asleep wasn't the problem, staying asleep was. I don't usually dream much, but these last couple days, they don't stop. Last night was the worst. I kept reliving the shooting over and over. Sometimes it was Beckett, sometimes Dad, sometimes both of them. Once it was even me. I just can't turn it off."

"I had a couple too, but then I came down for a cure that I can't offer you for a couple more years."

"Thanks. That helps."

"It will get better. I promise."

Alexis just shrugged and carried her breakfast to the table.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I saw a man kill himself?"

Alexis froze with her spoon half way to her mouth. "No."

Martha clasped her hands and rested them on the table before leaning forward to look Alexis in the eye.

"When I was about ten years older than you are now, I was between shows and times were a little tougher than I liked. Your dad was about two years old and I had to find something that both paid a decent wage and had hours that allowed me to get cheap yet reliable childcare. Eventually I landed a golden opportunity for an audition across town from our apartment at a dinner theater club that was just opening up. I knew I was exactly what they were looking for. I was so excited and everything was falling into place. Well, the day of the interview, my neighbor Gladys who was going to watch your dad for me, fell and broke her hip. I called everyone I knew to see if someone could watch him but nothing worked out and it was too short notice to call a service. I had no choice. I had to call the club and tell them I couldn't make the audition."

She sat back for a moment and sipped her coffee before continuing.

"Do you remember Jeffrey Bernstein?"

"Your friend that always smells like cigars and insisted I call him JB?"

"That's the one! Anyway, he was the manager of the club and was beside himself because out of the five auditions scheduled for that morning, I was the third to cancel. Well he didn't like that at all, because not only was the director going to be furious, but because Jeffrey is very superstitious and he couldn't bare the thought of three cancellations. Two? Sure. Four? If that's how it had to be, but not three. So he told me to come on in anyway, he had young kids at home and didn't mind watching Richard while I auditioned. So, I hurriedly packed a bag of toys, grabbed your dad and ran to the subway, because I didn't even have taxi fare. As we waited for the train, most of my attention was on your father but a man coming down the stairs in a brown suit caught my attention. In all my years, I've rarely seen a man as sad looking as him. His eyes were sunken in and his clothes hung from his thin frame. Every step seemed to seep more life out of him. When he stopped, he was only two or three feet away from us and although I knew I was being rude, I couldn't stop looking at him. I wasn't the only one who noticed him though. Your dad kept tugging on my hand trying to get closer to him, but I held firm. When Richard finally gave up trying to tug away he began calling to him instead. 'Heh woah! Heh woah!' Over and over again even after I shushed him. After about the fifth time, the man turned and looked at your dad and tipped his head to me. "Heh woah!' your dad called again and began waving his hand wildly. The man watched and lifted the corner of his mouth in what I can assume was the closest thing to a smile that he could manage and then his eyes filled with tears. When the sound of the approaching train filled the tunnel, I picked Richard up as the crowd pressed forward. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the stranger take a step closer to the edge of the platform but it didn't register why, until the train's headlights were emerging from the tunnel. For a second, maybe two, I knew what was going to happen but I was frozen in place, clutching my son to my chest as the man jumped to his death."

Alexis' eyes were wide open, her food still untouched. "Oh my god, Gram. That's horrible!"

"It is, and for weeks I couldn't sleep because I kept reliving it. Things like that have a way of branding themselves on your mind. I still wonder if that might be the trigger behind your father's morbid fascination, but he says he doesn't remember."

"So how did you move on?"

"Well, ironically, I still got that job, even though I didn't make it there until the next day. After working a few weeks I scraped up the money to see a therapist. He helped me to see that it wasn't my fault and that in the brief moment that I realized something was wrong, I couldn't have stopped him. What was done was done. His life was over but mine wasn't. Sounds callus, I know, but it was as much the truth then as it is now. Montgomery is dead, but Beckett and your dad aren't. It will take time for everyone involved to recover but we will. The pain and the fear won't last."

"But what if they do?"

"It hasn't even been a day yet, so everything is fresh, but if you still struggle with these dreams in a week or two then maybe you should consider seeing a therapist too. You'll work through this, but there's no shame in getting some help along the way."

"Yeah. I guess."

Neither of them said anything more for a while. Alexis just ate her breakfast while Martha went to get the morning newspaper from the hall.

When Martha returned and unrolled the paper, she sighed and tsked, before dropping it on the table so Alexis could see. Beckett's shooting had made the front page.

Alexis snatched it up and began scanning the article. They didn't have many facts so after the first paragraph it became more of a commentary on the state of the city than actually being about Kate.

When she finished reading, she handed the paper back to her grandmother.

"Anything actually correct in there?"

"Yeah they spelled everyone's names correctly. Other than that, its mostly just filler and speculation. They have nothing to report, but couldn't help using it for sensational headlines."

"Did they mention your father?"

"Only that Kate is the cop that his Nikki Heat books are based on, and that he was in attendance."

"Good, looks like Gina and Paula are keeping the vultures away. Both called him yesterday after you left because they were already getting calls from the press."

"I'm sure the paparazzi will be out then too. When I go back this morning, maybe I'll call the car instead of taking a cab."

"That's probably a good idea. Plus it will make it easier for your security detail to follow you."

"Yeah! What's up with that?" Alexis asked as she stood and headed for the kitchen.

"I don't really know. But I trust your father. If he's overreacting and it buys him comfort, so be it. But if we really do need it, then I suggest you be thankful they're there."

"I just wish none of us were even in this situation."

"None of us do, but it doesn't change the fact that we are." Martha put her mug in the sink before heading to the stairs. Her demeanor efficiently ending that particular conversation. "Now, I have an appointment I need to get ready for. Will you be ready to go in about an hour? If so, we can leave together and just have the car drop me off on the way."

"Yeah. I'll be ready."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The antiseptic medical scent hospitals are known for assaulted Alexis the moment she entered the lobby, causing her to wrinkle her nose. Before yesterday she'd never been in this particular hospital but after a quick look around, found the entrance was like most others. An open concept waiting area sprawled out to her right with the gift shop and a cafeteria entrance to her left. The admitting area was an alcove along the back but in the very center stood the visitor's center.

"Patient's name?" the cheery woman wearing a yellow volunteer smock asked, as soon as Alexis approached.

"Kate Beckett, B-E-C-K-E-T-T."

"Alrighty, give me just a moment." The woman, who's ID tag read Lisa, rapidly typed in the name and then frowned when she looked at her computer screen.

"Is there a problem? I know she's here."

"No. There's no problem, I just need to check on something with my supervisor. I'll be right back."

Lisa stepped away from her computer and flagged down another woman who was on the phone. A minute later both women returned. The supervisor,who's badge read Eleanor, looked at the screen and then at Alexis.

"I'm sorry about the inconvenience, but do you have a photo ID on you?"

Alexis put down the overnight bag she had on her shoulder and fumbled through her purse for her wallet."An ID? Yeah, but why?"

"The patient you've requested to visit is flagged for manditory security clearance. If you're name isn't on the approved list I can't allow you to go up."

She handed the woman her driver's license and waited while she studied it in great detail. After a few moments Eleanor nodded to Lisa then handed Alexis her ID.

"Lisa here will print you out a wrist band and badge. Both must be visibly worn at all times while visiting. You can remove the wrist band after you leave because it's only good for today's date, but for future visits you'll need to present the badge to get a new band."

Alexis nodded. This was all very strange but she supposed it made sense.

"The patient is on the seventh floor in a private wing of the Intensive Care Unit. You'll need to show both the band and the badge to the nurse's station and at a security checkpoint where they will also check your bags. Do you have any questions?"

"I don't think so."

"Well then I'll let Lisa get you settled." With that Eleanor was gone.

"If you'll step around here to the side, I'll take your photo for your badge."

Alexis did as she was told and within a few minutes was cleared for visitation.

Before heading to the elevator, Alexis made a last minute stop in the gift shop where she bought a bouquet of white roses. Now that she had everything she needed, she headed up to the seventh floor.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Getting through security was a small hassle but at least everyone was friendly and quick, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. By the time she reached Kate's room she already had her ID's ready for the officer posted at her door.

"No need to show me those, Miss. I'm NYPD, not hospital security."

"Oh. OK." Alexis stood awkwardly, not sure if she should just go in or not.

"You must be Castle's daughter."

She nodded.

"He's in the room. Go on in."

Sensing her hesitation, he turned the handle to the door and then held it open for her.

Alexis stepped into the dark room as quietly as she could. The lights and TV were off and the blinds were pulled shut. It was one of the larger hospital rooms she'd seen, but it still managed to feel claustrophobic. As her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting she made out two sleeping forms. The one on the couch was her father and on the bed, Jim Beckett.

Finding her dad passed out on the couch was no surprise but seeing Jim in the bed certainly was. Where was Kate?

Jim continued to snore softly even after the door clicked shut behind her but her dad began to stir. Alexis put her bag and purse on the floor, the flowers on a side table and tiptoed to the couch.

"Hey Sweetie," her dad whispered.

"Hi." Alexis knelt down on the floor and kissed her dad's cheek. "Where's Beckett?"

"They took her early this morning to run some scans. Said that she's be back in a couple hours. What time is it?"

She pulled out her phone to check. "9:24."

"I'm guessing she'll be back soon. It was just before six when she left."

"Do you want me to leave so you can go back to sleep?"

"No! But lets not wake Jim. This is the first he's slept since we've been here. There's a family lounge down the hall where we can talk."

Together, the two Castle's quietly left the room.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The moment they entered the lounge, Rick headed to the coffee machine. After one sip and a grimace he announced, "I think I need to buy this place a cappuccino machine. This stuff makes the precinct's old coffee look gourmet! And that tasted like a monkey peed..."

"...In battery acid." she finished for him. "Yes, I remember you mentioning that. Several times. I didn't bring any coffee with me but I did bring you a bag with a change of clothes, some toiletries and some raspberry danishes, but it's still in the room."

"Something to look forward too."

The pair sat quietly listening to the clock on the wall tick loudly. Rick tried swallowing a bit more of the burnt brew before finally pushing it aside.

"I see you've been tagged too," he said trying to break through the ice forming between them.

"Yeah I think they're going to study my migratory habits."

He couldn't help but chuckle which triggered a smile from her.

"The security here is no joke but I'm glad."

"Are things really that serious?" Alexis asked, her serious blue eyes searching his.

"Unfortunately, yes. I can't say much, but the person who had Kate shot is very dangerous."

"So they know who it was?"

"No. The actual gunman was likely a hired shot. But the people he works for are... well they won't stop until they're satisfied."

Alexis watched her father sit back and rub his face with his hand. The exhaustion and stress of everything had caught up to him.

"So they'll come back to finish the job?" she asked.

"Not necessarily. Often a well executed warning suffices."

"So they want her to back off a case or something?"

"Something like that."

"Will she?"

When he looked at her, worry and doubt furrowed his brow. "I don't know."

Fear of what that could mean for Beckett and everyone else, especially her dad, slowly crept up Alexis' spine.

"How is she doing?"

"She's been stable since coming out of recovery. I talked with her for a minute or two just after she was brought to her room but she's been asleep most of the time, only waking when the pain medications wear off."

"But she's going to live? Right?"

"Thankfully. It looks like she'll make a full recovery."

Alexis breathed a sigh of relief. She might be upset by everything that's happened, but she still wanted Kate to be OK.

"And what about you?"

"I told you I'm fine."

"Right. Fine. You can't fool me with that. You might not have been shot, but you're not OK."

"Oh so now you're the parent?"

"It's not the first time as I recall."

Rick just shook his head at her.

"Fine, it killed me to see her shot. And it kills me to watch her lying in that bed fighting for her life and there's nothing I can do to help."

"You really care about her."

"Of course I care about her. She's my friend."

Alexis raised an eyebrow at her father that told him she wasn't fooled.

"And maybe I care about her as more than just a friend."

"What about the charming Dr. Josh?"

"What about him? I haven't seen him once since the fight. She's his girlfriend and he hasn't stopped by once. I used to think he was just commitment phobic, but the more I see him the more I'm sure he's just a douche."

Alexis' eyebrows shot up. She wasn't used to hearing her dad call someone such an unpleasant name.

"Sorry," he apologized, "But it's the truth."

"After yesterday, I can't say that I disagree."

"I just don't get it. If I was dating her, I wouldn't leave her side. Hell, I'm not dating her and she'd probably tell you I don't leave it. How can he just walk away like that?"

Alexis read between the lines of her father's words. She'd been right. He would do anything for Kate Beckett and knowing that made her want to cry. Instead she swallowed the lump forming in her throat and stated the obvious. "Sounds like you're in love with her."

If her father noticed her less than thrilled tone when making the statement, he didn't let on. He only shrugged and stared at the vent in the ceiling.

"Does she know how you feel?"

He opened his mouth to answered, but then closed it and rethought what he was going to say. After a little deliberating he finally answered, "I don't think so."

She had nothing to say, no advice, no pleas not to go farther with the relationship. She was numb. Suspecting her father's feelings was one thing. Knowing for certain, was completely different.

Maybe we should go back to the room and see if she's back." Alexis suggested after a long silence.

Her dad stood up eagerly and agreed. She wasn't sure if he was anxious to get back to Kate or to leave this conversation behind. Either way, Alexis was just glad the conversation was done.

When they returned to the room, Kate wasn't back yet, but Jim was awake.

Alexis and Jim greeted each other and then he announced that since his Katie wasn't back yet, he was going down to the cafeteria for some breakfast and wanted to know if they wanted anything.

Her dad said that if the coffee was drinkable he'd love one and Jim was happy to oblige.

"Here's your bag I brought you. Tooth brush, comb, deodorant, and a change of clothes, plus those pastries." She said as she handed him the duffel.

"Thank you so much. I can't wait to get out of these clothes. I think I'm going to burn them."

Alexis took a quick appraisal of him and understood. His jacket and tie, which had been soaked with blood, were already discarded. His pants, though black, still showed green grass stains on his knees, and his shirt while probably salvageable, would always be connected to the events of yesterday.

While her dad was in the bathroom showering and getting changed, the door swung open with a clatter as two nurses and an orderly pushed a gurney into the room.

She backed up against the wall so as to stay out of the people's way and just watched as Kate Beckett, one of the strongest women she knew, was lifted carefully from the gurney to the bed. The detective looked small and weak. Her skin was a pasty gray and her hair hung limp around her face. Tubes and wires were coming out of her nose, her arms and out from under her thin blanket. Alexis' heart broke for the woman, although she knew without a doubt Kate would never want anyone's pity.

When she was completely situated, one nurse checked a chart and several monitors before asking Kate if she needed anything. When she shook her head the nurse patted her hand, smiled at Alexis and left.

Alexis didn't move. She just stood in the corner and stared at Beckett's still form. Already she appeared to be asleep. As bad as she felt for the cop, watching her like this made the teen more thankful than ever that her dad hadn't been shot instead.

Slowly, she found herself creeping closer to the bed. Before long she was practically hovering over the other woman. Kate suddenly opened her eyes, startling her.

"Alexis?" Kate whispered quietly.

"Yeah., it's me Detective Beckett. How are you feeling?" Alexis knew the question sounded trite, but what else was there to say?

"I've told you to call me Kate, and I'm fine," she rasped.

Alexis eyebrows shot up. Kate saw.

"Well, I'm as good as can be expected."

Alexis nodded. She felt like an idiot at the moment, but really didn't know what to say. After a second, a sound from the bathroom caught her attention. "Uh, my dad is getting cleaned up and changed. Your dad went down to grab some breakfast."

Kate smiled a tired, drugged smile. "Thanks." Almost as soon as she uttered the word, her eyes began to close.

Figuring she needed her sleep, Alexis started to step away only to have Kate take her hand. This only added to her awkward discomfort, but if Kate wanted to hold her hand, she'd let her. Alexis stretched her foot out as far as possible without letting go of Beckett and was able to catch a chair with her toe. When she dragged it close enough, she sat down and rested her head against the bed rail.

This was how her dad found them when he came out of the bathroom. Seeing his two favorite girls together like that brought a smile to his face; the first one Alexis had seen for days, but it didn't make her feel any better. Instead it only made her want to walk away.

"How long has she been back?" He whispered to Alexis.

"Only a few minutes," Kate answered for her.

Her dad went to other side of the bed and took Beckett's other hand in his. "How are you feeling?"

"Fan-frickin-tastic."

Alexis watched as her Dad and Beckett stared at each other. She never heard them speak but knew they were saying something to each other through their eyes. It made her feel like an intruder. Carefully she removed her hand from Kate's. "Maybe I should get going."

"Why?" her dad asked. "You just got here."

"I know, but I've brought you your stuff and got to see that Detect..., er Kate, is improving. Pretty soon Mr. Beckett will be back and I'm sure the others will visit too. You guys should get some rest while you can."

Kate turned toward her with a sympathetic look that said she understood what she was feeling. "I won't keep you here, but you are welcome to stay."

"I know, and I'll be back. I promise. I just think I should go for right now."

Alexis noticed that it was Kate who pulled her hand back from her dad's, giving him the freedom to move away. When she did, he came and hugged her. "I'll see you later OK. Thanks for bringing my stuff up."

"No problem."

"And thank you for the roses." Kate said as loudly as her damaged body would allow.

Alexis turned back to her. "How did you know I brought them?"

Beckett started to shrug before a look of pain crossed her face, but her dad answered for her. "It's those amazing detective skills. After all, I didn't base Nikki Heat on her because she's tall."

His comment lightened the air for a moment making her goodbye less uncomfortable.


	8. Chapter 8

**It's the last Castle-less Monday of summer and while this time next week most of us won't care much about fic due to our massive OCD implosion, this week we must find Castle wherever it is available... so here's another chapter for your enjoyment (I hope). **

**Thank you so much for all your amazing reviews, PMs, tweets, etc... you've kept me writing even when I feel like banging my head on the wall. You rock!**

**One more week , friends, one more week.**

**Happy Reading!**

Chapter 8

Alexis ended up visiting the hospital almost every day. Sometimes it was to bring something up that someone needed, sometimes it was just to say "Hi!". At first it was always brief and slightly awkward, especially during the time that her dad never came home, but the more she visited the more normal it became. A week after the shooting Alexis stopped in with a milk shake for Kate and found that she had no other visitors. It was the first time they'd been alone since the first day.

"Please tell me that's a chocolate covered strawberry shake from Remy's" Kate said before Alexis could even say hello or ask how she was feeling today.

"It is." She said with a smile and then pretended to bring it to her own mouth.

Kate watched the movement of the styrofoam cup with such wanton desire in her eyes that she actually scrunched her eyebrows into a slight scowl when she thought Alexis had brought it for herself.

Alexis immediately put the poor detective out of her misery and handed her the cup. "Don't worry, not only is it for you, but I even resisted tasting it."

"Well, then you have more will power than your father."

Both women laughed at the truth of that.

"You let me know when they let you back onto full solids and I'll bring you the deluxe BBQ burger and bacon cheddar fries too."

Beckett was slowly sipping the near frozen treat with a look akin to rapture spreading across her face. "Alexis I think you have given me a better treatment than the doctors, by bringing me this."

"Well I'd hardly say that. But you do have more color in your cheeks right now than you have had any other time I've been here."

A few moments passed quietly while Beckett drank the shake and Alexis sat down and watched Jeopardy on Kate's TV.

"So where is everyone this afternoon? Usually when I come up, you have an entourage."

"Let me see, your dad got a call from Gina looking for the last chapters of his latest book, so he grudgingly headed home to write. Ryan and Esposito are back to work and will be in at the end of their shift, and Lanie drops in and out whenever she can."

"What about your Dad?"

"He finally went home to get some real rest. Or at least he better be."

"He hasn't been home yet? It's been a week." Alexis fumbled for a second realizing how harsh her words might sound. "I mean I know he wants to be with you until you're back to normal, but..."

Beckett nodded slowly. "This is what I've been telling him for three days, but since he lives a couple hours away, he's been using that as an excuse to stick around. Then this morning Dr. Nayak, my cardiologist came in to check on me but took one look at him, grabbed a BP cuff and checked his blood pressure which was very high. He told him he had two choices. He could go home and rest for twenty four to forty eight hours or he'd start the paper work to have him admitted. My dad finally conceded and said he's go home. Thankfully your dad was here already when this happened and called his driver to take him home. My only worry about him leaving was knowing he would have to drive while so exhausted."

"Well I'm sorry your dad can't be with you, but I'm glad he's taking care of himself."

"I don't know which of our dads is going to take the most convincing that I'm going to be fine. I tell them I'm feeling better everyday but still they hover like mother hens. I appreciate their concern but sometimes it can be a bit much."

"Can you blame them?"

Kate shrugged stiffly. She still had very little mobility in her torso, neck and shoulders. "No. Not really."

"They won't talk about it. I but I can see how much it scared them."

"It scared everyone. Didn't it scare you?"

"I never saw it coming, and when the bullet hit, I almost immediately went into shock. I was in physical pain, but emotionally I was completely numb."

"Are you scared now?"

"Of what dying? The shooter coming back to finish the job?"

The teen nodded, wide eyed.

"Yes, more than I want to admit actually. I don't want to die. I have a lot to live for. But the finest people I know are on top of this, and when I get out of here, I'm going to join them."

Alexis felt uncomfortable. She she wanted to shout at her and tell her not to be stupid and run back into this. She wanted to ask her what on earth was worth risking not only her life but those around her. She wanted to plead with her to be careful, because the people who loved her would never be the same if something happened to her. People like their dads.

Kate watched her closely, scrutinizing her with her eyes. Alexis couldn't remember feeling so vulnerable and exposed.

"What is it Alexis? I can see the worry on your face. You hide your feelings about as well as your dad."

Alexis had the opportunity to be honest, but couldn't bring herself to speak the things her heart wanted to say. Instead she scrambled for something, anything else, to make the detective stop searching her. She was here to make Kate feel better not the other way around.

"Is it true what they say about your life flashing before your eyes?"

Kate cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. Alexis knew that Beckett was thrown by her question, but she seemed to be thinking about it anyway.

"Yeah I guess it did."

Intrigued, Alexis pressed on. "What was it like?"

"It wasn't really a visual thing. I didn't see pictures or anything like that. It was more like recalling a bunch of memories in quick succession."

Alexis watched as Kate sank back into the pillows and stared into space as she talked. She had the feeling she'd briefly forgotten that she was talking to her friend's daughter.

"I remembered Christmas with my parents from when I was little, my childhood best friend, Emily Donovan, and the first ball game my dad took me to. I remembered my first date when Patrick Hall took me to see Jurassic Park, getting my driver's license and mom crying at my high school graduation. I remembered my mom's funeral and joining the police academy. I remembered the annual precinct softball challenge where Montgomery hit a grand slam, the Heatwave book party and the night Castle kissed me."

Alexis' sharp breath in broke Kate from her reverie. Both women were slightly embarrassed and Kate tried to apologize.

"No, no. It's fine. I'm actually not surprised."

Kate looked like she wanted to ask her another question but thankfully held back. Instead she pulled the rolling table over her lap and grabbed a deck of cards.

Alexis started to stand. "I don't know. Maybe I should just go."

"Please don't. I know this is odd, cuz we really aren't super close, but I enjoy your company. You're the only visitor who comes into this room and doesn't look at me with pity or like I'm going to fall apart in front of them. You treat me like me, and I appreciate that. It makes me feel stronger."

She stood for a moment staring at the woman in the bed, who was chewing her lip in anticipation for her answer.

After a long pause, Alexis finally nodded. "OK. If you're sure."

"I'm sure. Do you know how to play cribbage?"

XXXXXXXXXXX

Two hours passed without either of them noticing. The card game was fun and the conversation light and relaxing.

When Lanie knocked and came into the room she found, Kate sitting up, smiling, with Alexis sitting on the end of the bed, facing their favorite patient, dealing the latest hand of poker.

"Well if this isn't a sight for sore eyes. This is the best either of you has looked in a long time." Lanie said cheerfully before dropping her bag and pulling a chair up. "What are you playing? What are the stakes? And when you gonna deal a sister in?"

Beckett smiled at her best friend. "Texas Hold 'em is the name, penny poker is the game."

Alexis had already re-dealt to include Dr. Parish and was picking up her cards, when Beckett filled Lanie in on the conversation.

"Lanie, I know you'll have an opinion on this. While playing cards we're also playing "Marry, Do, Push off a cliff."

Lanie raised her eyebrows and looked from Kate to Alexis and then back to Kate.

"All hypothetical of course, and no one we know personally." Alexis informed her.

"Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay."

"George Clooney, Will Smith, and Brad Pitt."

Without hesitation Lanie answered, "Marry Will, Do Georgy boy, and bye-bye Brad."

"Really?" Alexis gasped. "You don't push Clooney?"

"Well they're all fine specimens of the male form, but someone's gotta go. Brad is just too... pretty."

"Whatever! You guys go ahead and push him, but I'll catch him. You can fight over Clooney all you want."

All three got a good laugh out of this and soon the poker game for forgotten in lieu of the other.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next afternoon while Alexis was waiting for security to check her bag, she realized she was actually looking forward to her daily visit.

Maybe all her earlier worries and concerns were just a reaction to the shootings.

As she walked down the hall toward the now familiar room, her dad's voice broke through her thoughts. She turned and saw him in the visitors lounge getting a Coke from the vending machine. He was waving her in.

"Hey Honey," he said while taking a seat and indicating that she should too. "I'm glad I caught you before you went in. I need to talk to you."

Alexis felt her heart drop to her stomach with dread. "What's wrong?"

Her dad saw the worry in her face and patted her hand. "Nothing! Nothing's wrong. In fact something's good. Beckett's doctors say that if she keeps improving like she has been, she should be able to leave in a few more days; a week tops."

"That's great!"

"I know!"

"But here's what I wanted to talk to you about, she's going to need a lot of help for a while and won't be able to stay by herself for at least a couple weeks. Her dad wants to take her back to his place, but she won't leave the city, cuz she wants to be "in" on the cases that Ryan and Esposito are willing to tell her about. So Jim said he'd stay at her place, but she only has one bedroom and won't let him crash on the couch cuz he won't rest."

Alexis tried to push the thought aside but couldn't help but wonder if the couch was good enough for her dad the days he stayed there.

"Lanie is probably the most qualified to help but is gone randomly for long periods of time both days and nights. So that leaves me... or us. What would you say if Kate stayed with us for a while."

Maybe it was the earlier fear that something was wrong or the unwanted thought of where her father spent his nights, but her previous mood was ruined. Despite her growing friendship with Beckett, Alexis wasn't all that thrilled with the idea of playing house with her for who knows how long, but her dad looked so damn hopeful.

"Well, I guess that would be OK."

She knew she didn't sound convincing, but her dad pulled her into a big hug. "I told Kate you'd be fine with it."

"So you already asked her... why bother asking me?"

"Just to be sure I guess."

"Oh."

Suddenly Alexis didn't feel much like hanging out. She handed her dad the cup with the cherry slushie she was holding. "I, uh, am in a hurry today. Gotta meet up with Ash in a few minutes. Can you give this to Kate for me? Tell her I'll stop by tomorrow when I have more time."

Her dad stared at her in confusion but finally closed his mouth enough to mumble an OK before she headed for the door.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi again... another night; another chapter. Hopefully (fingers, toes, elbows and eyes crossed) I can get you another chapter every day up to the premier. But that means I have a lot of work ahead of me, so I'll stop babbling so I can go back to writing future chapters.**

**I know I say this a lot but as I read your reviews each day I'm truly touched. You guys have really given me some amazing feedback and I'm truly humbled. Thank you very much! Writing Alexis hasn't been the easiest at times, but she's fun to work with because there's so much potential! **

**Have a wonderful night and as always ... happy reading!**

Chapter 9

Five days after her dad talked to her about their house guest, he brought her home. Alexis was torn between being happy to help Kate and resenting the situation her dad was putting them all in. Along with Beckett, came an in-house body guard "at least for a while" according to her dad.

As soon as they were in the loft and Kate was settled on the couch, her dad disappeared with Kate's bags and the guard who Alexis mentally called "The Rock", silently took up his sentry at the door.

"Can I get you anything?" Alexis offered. "A pillow, or something to eat or drink?"

Kate had her head back against the couch cushion with her eyes shut. "Thanks but I'm fine. I just need to rest a bit. The trip from the car to here was the longest I've been on my feet for a while."

"And you just do that, Dear. Don't push yourself too fast. We're happy to help." Martha chimed in. "In fact, if you want to lay down in a bed, I have your room all ready for you."

"Thanks, Martha but I'm sure I'll be... You know what? No, that sounds wonderful. If I can get an hour nap, I'll be ready to help with dinner when I get up."

Martha didn't object but looked at Alexis and rolled her eyes. "How about you wait and see how you feel first?"

Kate leaned forward so that she could stand but bit her bottom lip from the pain.

Alexis noticed and went to her, wrapped an arm gently around her tender ribs and helped the detective stand.

"Thanks. I may not say it much, I get so frustrated when I can't do simple everyday things, but I do appreciate it."

Alexis shrugged but didn't remove her arm as she guided the woman toward the hall next to the office.

"I thought I was going to my room."

"We are."

"But I thought the guest rooms were upstairs."

"They are."

"Then why...?"

Before she could finish her question, Castle emerged from the same room they were heading toward.

"Because you're staying in my room."

Even through the thick bandages under Kate's cotton t-shirt, Alexis could feel her muscles tense at her father's announcement.

"No I'm not. I agreed to stay here because you promised I wouldn't be an imposition and would let me carry my own weight around the house."

"First of all, you weigh almost nothing, especially since you've been dining on hospital food, so aside from recovering, you have no responsibilities here. Secondly, you are not an imposition. You didn't ask for my room, I'm giving it to you. All my stuff is already upstairs."

"I'm not taking your room Castle!"

"Yes, you are, Beckett. You can barely walk across the room, how are going to climb the stairs?"

Kate dropped her arm from around Alexis and stood rigid. "I can climb the stairs just fine."

Castle put his hands up in an act of surrender. "I'm sure you can, but lets wait a few more days to try that. Look, it's not just the stairs, but in my room you'll have more privacy, it's quieter and there's a bathroom with a hot tub and a shower stall with a built in seat. The convenience that affords you seriously outweigh the ten minutes it took me to toss some toiletries and clothes upstairs."

Already in pain from standing so stiffly, Kate reached out for the wall, and allowed Alexis to help steady her again.

"You're not going to back down are you?" Kate asked.

"No. You're not going to win this one."

Alexis couldn't help but laugh when Kate's only response was to stick out her tongue.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning was the first calm, quiet, "normal" morning the Castle loft had seen in weeks. Alexis set up all the toppings for a waffle bar while her dad cooked the waffles. Gram strolled in, dressed to the nines, for a brief cup of coffee before heading out to meet with the designer who was decorating her new acting school, and Beckett slept peacefully in the bedroom.

"You look tired, Dad." Alexis said after sitting down with a pair of waffles covered with mixed berries and whip cream.

He shoveled a bite of his quadruple stacked banana and Nuttella covered waffles in his mouth and then answered her with stuffed cheeks. "Do I?"

"Yes. I had hoped that now that Beckett was here, you'd get more rest. Did she have a rough night?"

"No, she's fine."

Alexis kept staring at him waiting for him to continue.

"To my knowledge she only woke up the two times I woke her up for her medication. But I was concerned, so I sat in the office writing for a while in case she needed me."

"So you stalked her all night?"

"No! No! That's crazy. I didn't stalk her. But it was her first night here after two weeks in the hospital. First night without round the clock nurses, first night in a new environment. If she needed me, I wouldn't here her up there."

"You gave her a frickin' walkie talkie, Dad! She promised to call you if she needed anything."

Her dad became engrossed in his breakfast for a while, ignoring the truth his daughter presented him with. When he finished the last bite, he looked back at her.

"Tonight I'll relax and sleep upstairs, but if you tell her what I told you, you'll never find the keys to the Vespa again."

"It's our secret, but only if you swear you'll start taking care of yourself. If you keep going like this we'll be taking care of you too."

"I swear!"

"Good!"

Together they cleaned up the kitchen, wrapping up left overs and loading the dishwasher.

"So what's your plan for today?" Castle asked Alexis.

"Not much this morning. I have some stuff to do on my computer and I need to practice my violin. Then this afternoon I'm going out with Paige, Britta, and Elle to catch an 80's movie marathon in the village."

"Ooooh, what's playing?"

"Breakfast Club, The Princess Bride, and Dirty Dancing."

"Ahhh, the classics. Sounds fun! Maybe I'll see if Kate wants to have our own 80's marathon here. It's been ages since I saw Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

"Well you have fun with that."

"We will. I should add popcorn and theater candy to my list!"

"Oh if you're going shopping, we're out of cotton balls too."

"Noted. Hey, if you're going to be home all morning, would you mind if I ran out now? I should be back in less than an hour, but then Kate won't have to be alone later."

"That's fine."

"Are you sure? She won't need any meds before I get back, and may not even wake up, so it shouldn't be a problem."

"Dad I said it was fine because it is. Even if she wakes up and needs something I don't mind. I don't dislike her."

"I know, but I've sensed the tension in you."

Alexis took a deep breath. She didn't want to get into this now. "The tension has nothing to do with her being here or my feelings toward her or anything like that. If you must know, it has more to do with..." Alexis didn't finish his sentence but tipped her head toward "The Rock" who was sitting silently next to the front door.

Her dad's eyebrows creased and he dropped his voice to a whisper. "Does he give you the creeps? Did he say or do something, you know... inappropriate?"

Alexis sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. He just didn't get it! "No, it's not him specifically. It's the entire security detail. If you noticed that I'm tense, it's because right now we're all living in enough danger that we have to even have security! I don't like living this way."

Her dad seemed to relax. "Oh. Well it's only temporary."

"Really? Is it?"

"Of course!"

Alexis let it drop. "Fine. Go run your errands. We'll be alright even if you leave for a couple hours!"

He smiled at her and kissed the crown of her head as he passed by. "Thanks Honey."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Alexis stopped playing and held her bow in mid air as she listened. All seemed quiet so she began again. After only several bars of music, she heard something again. This time she was sure of it. So after putting her instrument down, she left the music room where she practiced and headed toward her dad's room down the hall.

She stood at the closed door waiting and listening to see if she was needed. Just as she was about to leave she heard Kate's muffled curse.

She wrapped lightly on the door with her knuckle.

"Go away Castle!" came the reply.

"It's not my dad. It's me. I don't think my dad would have knocked."

"That's true."

Awkwardly they continued to converse through the door.

The sound of something hitting the floor brought Alexis' hand to the door knob.

"Are you OK?"

No answer. She turned the knob but still didn't open the door.

"Kate?"

Finally Kate spoke. "Alexis. Can I ask you for a favor?"

"Anything. What do you need?"

"Can you help me?"

Immediately Alexis opened the door and headed to the open bathroom.

Whatever she expected to see, it wasn't the scene before her.

Kate was hunched against the counter with a bloody looking liquid pooled around her bare feet. The button down shirt she had been wearing was tossed over the edge of the tub, so she was covering her chest with one arm while supporting herself with the other. Rows of stitches and fluid filled drainage tubes crisscrossed her bruised and swollen body, one of which was open and dripping down her sweat pants. Used bandages and gauze pads that were littering the floor and closed toilet seat created a stark contrast to the fresh ones lined up on the counter, next to the sink.

"Oh my gosh Kate are you OK?"

"Yeah. I was just trying to empty my drains. Lanie was supposed to be by sometime today to help, but I thought if I could do it, it would be one less thing to be dependent on other people for."

Alexis grabbed a pair of rubber gloves from box on the counter, sidestepped the puddle on the floor and cleared the mess from the toilet seat into the trash. "Here sit down before you pass out. You look as white as a sheet. When's your next pain pill?"

"About an hour."

As Kate sat down Alexis saw that her hand was smeared with blood.

"You're bleeding!"

"I know. I pulled a stitch."

"Oh no! Should you go back to the hospital?"

"No. I'll show Lanie later. I'm sure it's fine. I think it was just holding this drain." Kate held out the tube and bulb that had been hanging near her pants. "It's still in me, just not as secured. I think a butterfly bandage will hold it in place though."

Alexis carefully found the bandage strip and secured it where Kate pointed. "Now what?"

Kate studied her for a while.

Alexis relaxed. "I don't mind. I want to help."

Kate didn't respond right away but then cringed apologetically. "I, er, we need to empty both of the other drains, note the levels, and dump them. Then using the surgical tape we stick them back on me, put some of this salve on the wounds and redress everything."

"OK. I think I can handle that if you tell me what to do. What about bathing or showering? Can you do that with all that on?"

"No, its only sponge baths until after my next check up. That's Thursday. Hopefully then I'll be relieved of some of this crap."

"All of the tubes and bandages are off right now, have you already washed up then?"

"That's what I was trying to do when I pulled my drain."

Alexis quickly appraised the situation again. The liquid on the floor was at least partly from the soaked washcloth leaking from beneath the cabinet. The scattered mess was obviously knocked off the counter in a moment of panic. Kate still sat on the toilet seat wrapped in her own arms looking pale, broken and frail, but still she held her head high, subconsciously trying to hang on to what remained of her pride.

She smiled at the woman, not out of pity but out of respect. Nothing about being here was easy on her either.

Alexis busied herself with cleaning the mess and organizing the medical supplies. While she worked, she talked. "Let's get you cleaned up first then. I won't look. I promise. But I'll fill the sink with warm soapy water, and get you a clean cloth. While you wash the top half, I'll hold the drains out so that they don't get pulled. Then we'll empty them, take the notes and get you fixed up. Then I'll run upstairs and grab my wrap around halter. You can get that on and off easy enough, and we can make it snug enough to hold everything in place without hurting you, then I'll step out while you take of everything else. How does that sound?"

Kate didn't answer right away, causing Alexis to look at her. She had tears in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't mean to boss you around. I can do whatever you need me to do."

"No, Sweetie. That's not it. I really appreciate everything you're doing. Not just for helping out and putting up with me but for treating me... like me. I know I've kinda told you that before but literally everyone else, my dad, your dad, even Lanie and the boys look at me with either fear... or pain... or pity. I remind them of their fears. But you either hide it well or don't feel that way, I'm not sure which."

Alexis swallowed hard. She wanted to tell her how many of her fears were realized in her presence, but refused to do that to this woman just trying to regain her life.

"I can't say that the situation you're in, that we're all sorta in, doesn't scare the crap out of me, but when I look at you, I don't see someone who almost died. I see someone who fought death and won."

Kate nodded at her and smiled, because she didn't have sufficient words to thank the teen.

The next half hour the two woman worked closely and carefully until the task was complete. By the time Kate was completely finished, she was exhausted but in better spirits.

Alexis offered her a hand to help her into bed but she pushed it away and helped herself. When she was settled, Alexis retrieved her medication, some water, a plate of toast, a cup of yogurt and a banana.

"Um Kate, I just wanna tell you not to worry. I won't tell everyone about this morning. If anyone asks I'll say just I helped you empty your drains."

"I know you'll show discretion, but please don't lie. My pride isn't worth that. You helped me when I needed help. I won't be ashamed of that."

"Oh," she replied softly.

While Kate ate, she sat on the end of the bed and looked around her father's room and thought about how odd it was that of all places on earth, this was where her and Kate Beckett were spending their time together. It led her to think of something else.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"It's none of my business."

"Probably not, but you're your father's daughter, you'll end up asking eventually I'm sure."

Alexis chewed the inside of her cheek and blushed.

"I'm an honest person, Alexis. If I don't think I need to give you an answer I'll tell you, but you can still ask."

She took a deep breath and then just blurted it out. "Where's Dr. Josh?"

Kate choked and grabbed her glass of water.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked. It's just that I've seen you almost every day since, you know, and I've seen everyone visit you but him. I figured maybe he was seeing you early in the morning or later at night, but after what happened at the hospital I know he can't be happy about you being here."

At first she didn't answer, and Alexis regretted acting on her curiosity.

"Yeah I heard about that, from everyone except Josh and your dad ironically." Kate sighed and rolled her head from side to side, like she was trying to find a more comfortable position. "I can guarantee that if Josh had any say in my life anymore, he would be livid that I'm here. But he's not and I think I'll leave it at that."

Just then the sounds of her dad coming home made their way into the room. Moments later he appeared.

"Look who's up! You're looking better too." Castle said as he joined Alexis at the foot of the bed.

"Well you provide top of the line health care here at Che Castle Medical Center and Day Spa!" Kate said to her dad but with a smile directed at her.

"Only the best for you Detective! Only the best!"

Laughing with her dad and Kate left Alexis feeling the happiest she had in weeks.

**X**

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**A/N As a side note, I just wanted to mention that although I've never been in Alexis' exact situation, most of this chapter was (loosely) based on my own experiences. Over the last 8 years my friend, my aunt and my mom have all had major surgeries (2 had mastectomies from breast cancer, & 1 had part of her lung removed due to cancer... all are doing great and are now cancer free BTW) and while at home recovering I helped them clean and change their drains and bandages. **

**I know Kate's injuries are different and perhaps some of the details might be a bit off, but since they were all invasive chest operations, I felt it was probably very close to what Kate would be dealing with at home and what Alexis would be called upon to help out with.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Sunday was an odd but pleasant day. The morning was quiet as everyone in the house spent time catching up on sleeping, reading, checking email or whatever else had taken a back seat in recent days, but by noon the Castle home began to fill up.

The first one to arrive was Ashley. Alexis had invited him over for brunch, but a family commitment had him running a little late. By the time they began making scrambled eggs and sausage, someone else was knocking on the door.

The guard on duty followed his protocol and peered through the peep hole before nodding to Martha that it was safe to open. When she did, Jim Beckett was waiting in the hall, looking stronger and healthier than he had since the shooting happened.

Gram held out her arms to the man and they shared a brief friendly hug. "Good to see you again Jim."

"And under the best circumstances so far. How have you been doing?"

"I can't complain. How about you? You're looking better than the last time I saw you."

"I feel better than last time we were together too. Knowing that Katie's gonna be OK is just an immeasurable relief."

Martha nodded knowingly.

"Good morning Jim!" Alexis called from the kitchen. She grabbed Ashley's hand and led him into the living room.

"Good Morning Alexis. How are you?"

"I'm good. I wanted to introduce you to my boyfriend Ashley." Alexis was standing between the two men, making introductions when her dad jogged down the stairs.

"Hey guys!" He announced.

After a few minutes of small talk, her dad took Mr. Beckett back to his room where Kate was staying, Martha disappeared into the office and Ashley and Alexis added more food to what they were already preparing.

When all the food was ready, Alexis, Ashley, her Dad, Gram, Jim and Kate sat down around the table and enjoyed the meal as a "family". Although perhaps it should have been awkward, it wasn't. Food was eaten, conversation was made, laughter filled the room, and the time passed quickly. Before anyone knew it, it was almost two o'clock and someone was knocking on the door again.

When her dad answered the door, Lanie walked right in, with Ryan and Esposito following.

"Hey Castle! Hope it's OK we came over unannounced. Can you believe these two fools were going to come over without telling me? Good thing I called Javi when did."

The three men followed silently behind the petite woman, sharing looks as she continued talking."Well, well, looks like you're having quite the party! We aren't interrupting anything, are we?"

"No. The more the merrier!" Her dad answered.

Lanie smiled at people as she walked past them, heading straight to Kate. In one movement she reached down to hug her and also took her wrist to check her pulse.

Kate looked mildly annoyed but more amused when her friend then whipped out a stethoscope from her bag. "Must we do this here in front of everyone?"

"Girl relax. I'm not asking you to take your top off. I just want to listen to your heart and lungs while you're resting. I'll do it again after you've walked around a bit too."

Beckett just rolled her eyes and breathed deeply as her friend performed her impromptu exam.

After she was satisfied, the doctor patted Kate's shoulder. "Whether you feel like it or not, you're getting stronger, taking deeper breaths, and I don't hear any more wheezing."

"Like you said, Dr. Parish, my little girl's a fighter!" Jim inserted.

For the next several hours the entire group hung out, joking, laughing, trying to outdo each other with outlandish stories from their pasts. Everyone had something to share, but no one spoke about the shooting or Kate's recovery or their fears. There was almost an unspoken camaraderie as if saying, "The last time we were together, it was centered around tragedy, but today there is hope." Even Ashley didn't seem to mind spending the day with almost complete strangers, and actually seemed to get along quite well with both Jim and Detective Ryan.

When it was almost time for dinner, Dr. Parish and Esposito headed out with Ryan leaving not long after. Martha had a date that would be arriving soon, so she went to go get ready, and Ashley's mom called and invited Alexis to eat with them.

By the time Alexis and Ashley were heading out, Kate was asleep on the couch and her Dad and Jim were looking through take out menus.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday passed quietly as everyone continued to settle into the new routine. Someone was always home with Kate, but it was usually her dad. When Alexis and Kate spent time alone it was no longer awkward, but kinda nice as they developed a unique friendship.

When Thursday rolled around, Alexis slept in until almost noon. Normally she was a much earlier riser, but after staying out late with friends at the Jason Mraz concert the night before, no one was surprised that the teen was the last one up.

By the time she was dressed and downstairs the entire loft was quiet. Lanie had picked Kate up much earlier to go out for breakfast and see the doctor about getting her drains out, presumably with their guard in tow. Gram was at another meeting with her designer and her dad was working in his office.

Happy, to spend some down time with her dad, Alexis quietly carried two mugs of coffee into his office. The moment he realized she was there, he frantically began scooping up the papers in front of him and stacking them into a neat pile. He looked worried.

"Hey Dad! What's up?"

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged in an attempt to look casual, but he couldn't quite calm his nerves. "Um nothing. Just catching up on some stuff." Quickly he shoved the sheaf of papers into a large manilla envelope.

She didn't buy his act and closed the distance between herself and the desk. When she handed him the steaming mug, she tried to see who the envelope was from. It was addressed to her dad but there was no return address.

"How was the concert last night?" he asked as he took the envelope and headed to the safe he had hidden behind the stairwell photo.

"It was good." Alexis put her mug down on the desk beside her dad's and then placed her hands on her hips. "Why are you hiding those papers from me?"

He looked back at her and frowned before turning back to the wall to realign the art. "Don't worry about it. It doesn't concern you."

Alexis' suspicions were now fully raised. Her stomach churned and her palms became clammy. Her dad had always been very open and honest with her, even about business and financial matters. If he was hiding something from her, it was big.

"Well it can't be about your book. You mailed your manuscript in last week."

"That I did, and what a relief to get that off my shoulders." He scooped up his cup now and leaned on his desk. "Gina's already asking me about the next one. It's the last one in my contract and she's hoping that if she can give the publishing house some insight on the next book, maybe she can secure another three book deal."

"You're changing the subject."

He took a long sip of the steaming coffee, much longer than was needed. He was thinking of what to say.

"I didn't think I was. You were the one asking about the manuscript."

"Is it your will? Is that what you're hiding? I mean, I understand if it is. The last couple weeks might make anybody think hard about if their affairs are in order. You don't have to hide it from me. It won't scare me."

"No, Alexis. It's not my will. Please let it drop." He briefly pleaded with her with his eyes before his face completely changed. "It looks like it's just us for a while. You wanna do something? We could go shopping or hit a museum or something."

Alexis' bottom lip trembled slightly. Her dad's behavior had taken her from curious to scared. An idea of what it might be related to started to grow in the back of her mind."Dad, please, you're scaring me. Is it that you won't tell me or that you can't?"

He swallowed hard as he looked into her eyes. "Both."

"Is it police business? Is it a case? You've shared cases with me before."

"Honey, it's confidential. I won't say anything more. Please just leave it alone."

Rick reached out to her but she stepped back. Just then something on the floor caught her eye. Sticking out from under his desk was a photo. She bent down and picked it up.

She'd seen the photo before. It was one of the crime scene photographs from Kate's mom's case. As she looked at it, more pieces of the puzzle fell into place.

"It's her mom's case isn't it? That's the case that's killed Montgomery and almost killed Kate. That's why she and you and everyone else are so deeply involved?" Alexis asked.

His eyes were filled with a deep pain, confirming her guess. He didn't answer her though, instead he just asked for the picture.

She flung it to him before storming out of the office, her thoughts a blur of questions and answers. She didn't even know where she was going, she just wanted to put some distance between her and her father.

By the time she came to a stop she was sitting at the piano in the music room.

_If the case that is so dangerous is Beckett's mom's, it isn't going anywhere soon. It's been years since she was killed and still there's no resolution. But now after all this time Montgomery was killed because of it, and someone might still be after Beckett? Who was next? _

"Alexis!" her dad called as he searched for her.

She didn't answer, but it didn't take long for him to find her anyway.

"Alexis look, I know you're upset. You have every right to be, but we need to talk. I may not be able to tell you everything, but I'll try to do my best. But first, you need to know that anything I tell you has to stay between us."

"Is the person who killed Kate's mom trying to kill her too?"

"There's a connection."

"And that's who killed Captain Montgomery?"

"All I can say is that it's all connected."

"Why do these people want them dead?"

"We're getting closer."

"We? We! If you are collectively working on this case, what's stopping you from collectively being a target?"

"I'm sure I'm fine. If anyone is still a target, it's Kate, not me. But that's why I hired the security, just in case."

"So you brought a target into your home?"

"It was what was best for her. For one, she can't be alone right now, and two, she's safe here. Plus there's more that I can't talk about. We have leads. The guys are on top of this. They're hunting the shooter down, but I need to protect her not only from the bad guys, but from herself. "

"Is she safe here Dad? Are we? She was standing in front of over a hundred police officers and was still taken out by a sniper. You act like this is all about her, but you were standing right next to her. You could have been shot. Hell, I could have been shot," she said to her dad as she walked toward him, unshed tears brimming in her eyes.

"That's why I have to do this. To make sure they stay away."

"Yeah? You need to grow up, Dad. You're a writer not a cop. Stop pretending."

Alexis walked away without turning back, but as soon as she went into the hall, she came almost face to face with Kate.

Beckett looked pale and green like she was going to be sick. Obviously she had heard at least part of the conversation. Alexis felt like she should say something, but nothing came to mind, so she ducked her head and passed without a word.

When she headed to the stairs she saw that Lanie was sitting on the couch flipping through a magazine, presumably waiting for Kate, and a guard she hadn't met yet, was at the door. Seeing him there was like a slap in the face; a reminder of just how bad things were.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The sound of someone knocking on her door, woke Alexis some time later, but she didn't feel like talking so she didn't answer.

When the knocking stopped, she figured whoever it was had left but then the knob turned.

Instead of looking to see who was entering she just buried her head back into her pillow and with a muffled shout let the intruder know she didn't feel like talking to anyone right then.

Whoever it was, ignored her, sat down on her bed next to her and rested a hand on her shoulder. It was Gram.

Alexis turned over and looked into her grandmother's concerned eyes. "I know you want to help, but I don't want to talk about it."

"That's fine, Kiddo. It may be too soon to talk, but you know where to find me if you change your mind."

Alexis nodded and began to stare at the ceiling.

"The reason I came up here is to let you know that Kate left."

"She what?"

"Your dad said she told him the doctor took her drains out so she didn't need to be here anymore. She was headed to her dad's to finish her recovery."

"That's not why she left. She heard Dad and I fighting about her. But I'm sure you knew that too."

Martha just nodded.

"Gram, I didn't do anything wrong and I don't feel sorry about what I said. I meant it. So why do I feel so awful?"

"Sometimes that's just the way it works. Give it a little time to cool off and then talk with your dad... or maybe even Kate. As important as it is for them to know how you feel, it's important you try to understand them too. You may not like what they say, but at least you'll know how it is."

"I already know how it is."

"Don't be so sure of that, Sweetheart. Watching them these last few days, I'm not even sure they really know how it is."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Two weeks had passed since Kate's departure. Two weeks since "normal" didn't feel right. Two weeks of wondering how she was doing.

Alexis had picked up her phone on more than one occasion to call the detective, but every time she did, she remembered the look on her face the last time she saw her and changed her mind. She didn't know what to say. She still didn't feel like she could offer an apology and didn't know how to move on without giving one. So she avoided the situation all together.

Communication with her dad wasn't much better. He had apologized for putting them in a dangerous situation, but didn't offer to get them out of it. She apologized for snapping at him but stood by what she said. They weren't mad at each other, but they weren't happy either.

Gram would give her sympathetic looks or an occasional pat on the shoulder to let her know she understood, but didn't interfere, which Alexis was grateful for. Although in a lot of ways it concerned her, it wasn't her fight. She didn't feel as strongly as Alexis and that was fine.

Only Ashley was completely in agreement with her, and he didn't even know the entire story. She told him what she felt she could without giving anything away that might be confidential, or put him in possible danger, which wasn't much, but still he stood by her.

Now that June had passed and July was upon them, Alexis was spending more time out of the house than ever. Partly because of the discord at home, but mainly because Ashley would be leaving for school in a little more than a month and every minute they had together was precious. So when he left with his family for a week to visit his grandparents, Alexis found herself alone with her dad for the first time since the fight.

That night Martha was on a date and they were both in for the evening so they decided it was time for one of their infamous "couch potato dates".

He brought home Thai food from one of their favorite take out joints and began setting it all out while Alexis flipped through the DVR menu looking for "Falling Skies".

When she had everything set, she went to the kitchen to get their drinks and decided to take advantage of the quiet moment.

"So how's Kate doing? I haven't heard much." Out of the corner of her eye she saw her dad stiffen briefly before sitting down on the couch.

"Fine I guess."

"You guess? You mean you don't know?"

"I haven't seen her since she left. She's staying out at her dad's place and asked to be left alone for a while until she finishes recovering."

Alexis carried two glasses of lemonade back to the couch, and sat down next to her father. "Haven't you called or texted or anything?"

"I called the next day and she texted back. I sent her a couple more texts and each one took longer and longer to get a reply. I haven't heard anything this week. Last thing she said to me was she'd call me when she was back in town."

"Oh." Another wave of guilt ate at her. The aromatic chicken and rice in front of her lost all of it's appeal.

He patted her knee before picking up his fork. "Don't worry about it. OK? A lot has happened in a short amount of time, and a little space might do us all some good. She hasn't kicked me off the team or told me to go away, she just asked for some space and I can do that."

She forced a smiled and pushed her food around her plate. "Well if you talk to her, tell her I said hi, and I hope she's feeling better." She knew it sounded trite, but couldn't think of anything better to say.

"Will do. Now are you ready to watch Noah Wyle kick some alien butt?"

Alexis nodded and tried hard to concentrate on the show. Fortunately it was good enough to almost forget the pit in her stomach.

XXXXXXXXXXX

The next afternoon, Alexis was waiting in the office when her dad came home.

"Hey, Hon. What's up?"

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah. Is something wrong?"

"Yes. No. Sort of. I wanna talk about what's been going on, and our fight, and Kate..." She trailed off as her dad stared at her.

He looked both confused and worried. He finally sat behind his desk and tipped back in his seat in an attempt to look comfortable. He failed miserably.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking since Kate left and especially these last couple days, and I think I need to clarify some things. You may not believe it, but I don't dislike Kate. In fact I like her... a lot. I think I see what you see in her and I think I know how you feel about her. I also know how you feel about me, and I know that you love me more than anything. I want you to know that it's not her that worries me; it's her job."

"Of course I love you more than anything or anybody else. You're my little girl, even if you do keep growing up."

"But you love her too, almost as much."

He couldn't deny it. "I do care deeply for her."

"Care?"

He sighed and then eventually nodded. "You're right. I love her and I'm in love with her. I really hope that maybe there's a future for us. Would that bother you?"

"Like I said, it's not her, Dad, it's the job."

"She's not going to give up her job any time soon, whether we're together or not."

"I'm not asking her to give up being a cop, I'm asking you to. She's a trained officer, you're a writer who tags along. Obviously you don't need my permission to live your life. You're going to do what you want and go where you want and date who you want, and I've never asked you to do anything different. But this time I am. If you and Kate want to date or whatever, you have my blessing. You really do. I think she makes you happier than anyone on earth. But please, please don't go back to the 12th. Be her friend, be her boyfriend, but please don't be her partner."

Alexis was surprised to see her dad look so flabbergasted. She knew he wouldn't want to give up the job he'd grown to love, but she thought it was because he wouldn't see Kate so much. She figured that by letting him know she was in favor of him and Kate dating, he wouldn't be so upset. Maybe she was wrong.

After several minutes he still hadn't spoken. He was just staring at his folded hands.

Panic started welling deep within her and before she knew it, she was saying something she hadn't planned to say. "Dad, if you're willing to give up the station for one year, I'll stay home. I'll graduate in the spring with the rest of my class."

Her dad's head shot up. He questioned her with his eyes. "Why would you give up five months of being at college with Ashley to keep me home for one year?"

"Too keep you safe. Alive! This is my last year as a minor. It may be my last year at home. I'm sure it will pass quickly for both of us. It's only right that if I'm going to ask you to sacrifice, I should be willing to make one too."

"And If I wanted to go back after the year was over?"

Tears formed in Alexis' eyes but she blinked them away. She hadn't counted on this reaction. _Would a year away be long enough for him to lose interest in following the detectives? If she wasn't home watching him traipse off into possible danger would it make it any less difficult to deal with? Would being an adult make the fear of losing her father any less acute?_

Her dad continued to watch her as she thought; waiting for her answer like it actually made a difference what she said.

Finally she said the only thing she felt like she could say. "I would love it if you never made police business your business again, but when I go to school next fall, if you choose to go back with Beckett and the guys, I won't say anything more about it."

"What if Kate and I were to become a couple? Even if I wasn't following her, just her being around, might put us in danger sometimes."

"It's not the same as you running into gunfire on any given day."

"What if I don't agree to the deal?"

She pursed her lips and tried to figure out how to be both honest and respectful. "Then I guess, I'm headed to Stanford in January because I don't think I can keep watching you put your life on the line."

Alexis watched her dad cross his arms across his chest. Very few times in her life had they been on opposite sides of a major issue, but this time, perhaps the biggest time, it seemed as if a giant rift had formed between them.

The clock on the shelf behind her ticked loudly in her ears as she waited for her dad to say something more.

"Alexis, seeing how much this pains you, I wish I could just say fine, anything you want. I wish that I could say it will all be OK, and not to worry, but I don't want to lie to you either. Right now I can't give you an answer, certainly not the one you want to hear. It's not that I'm choosing Kate over you, or vise versa, but right now, I don't know if I can leave it all alone. " He took a deep breath and continued. "But if you give me some time to think about it, I'll give you my answer next week."

She nodded numbly but never uttered a sound as she turned and walked out the door.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Exactly one week later Alexis was sitting at the dining room table, working on her computer when her dad came home.

"Alexis?" he called.

"In here."

Her dad wandered in and leaned against the nearest wall. "I just got back from the twelfth. Looks like they got Kate's sniper."

"That's great news! Does that mean the whole thing is solved?"

"No. It only means they got the man who pulled the trigger."

"Oh."

Silence enveloped the room for a short time.

"I also met Montgomery's replacement. She helped me come to a decision."

Alexis raised her eyebrows, not sure if she wanted to hear what he was going to say.

"You've got a deal. One year, but that's all."

With that, her dad was gone.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

A week before Alexis was to begin her senior year, Ashley left for California. Although she'd been preparing herself all summer for the day, when it finally came, she was a complete mess. She managed to hold it together through their breakfast together and entire way to the airport, but when he lovingly kissed her goodbye, the tears started and didn't stop. Tears fell the entire cab ride home and for several hours after she threw herself on her bed. When her phone rang and her family knocked on her door she ignored them because nothing could make her feel better and she didn't want to talk about it.

It was almost eleven at night by the time her hunger convinced her to emerge from her room. She plodded quietly down the stairs in the dark and headed directly to the freezer. Days like this required ice cream and lots of it.

When she didn't see either of the two cartons in the door she began rummaging through the boxes and bags in the stuffed unit.

"Looking for this?" her dad asked from somewhere behind her.

She turned and looked into the dark. She shut the door and let her eyes adjust as she searched the rooms. When she found him, he was sitting alone, on the couch, with a spoon in an open container of Chunky Monkey and the container of Half Baked on the coffee table in from of him.

Alexis grabbed her own spoon and joined her father on the couch without speaking. The ice cream on the table was soft but not melted yet so she dug in. Side by side the two Castles slowly drowned their sorrows in Ben and Jerry's, silently commiserating with the other.

It didn't take long before all the ice cream was gone but still they sat. Eventually her dad reached out an arm and pulled Alexis up against him. "Believe it or not, I know how you feel."

She thought about what he said and realized it was true. As much as she already missed Ashley, she knew he missed Beckett. "I know you do, Dad. Will it get better?"

"If I tell you yes, I'm probably not being completely honest with myself or with you. A lot of days are fine, but then there are others when you go to tell them something or see them and they aren't there. Those times... no, its not better."

"But Kate isn't on the other side of the country; she's just an hour out of the city. Why don't you just go see her? Or at least call her?"

"She's the one that left and she's the one who wants to be alone. I'm respecting her wishes. I'm not pushing her."

"Maybe I'm being out of line here, but to me, it just sounds like you're scared. When have you ever sat still just because someone told you to. I thought Beckett was worth the fight."

"She is. And usually you'd be right, I don't sit for long, but the ball is in her court now. When Esposito stopped by this afternoon, I found out Kate's been back at the station for two weeks. She's not really working yet, but she's been coming in to see a department therapist and training in the precinct gym and trying to work the cases under the chief's nose."

"But she didn't tell you?"

"I haven't talked to her in almost a month. The last couple of times I called, her phone was off and she never called back."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to give her the space she wants... at least for a while longer. I leave for the book tour this weekend; maybe by the time I get back, she'll be ready."

"I hope so Dad. I really do."

"Me too."

Both Castles quietly mulled over their thoughts for a while longer.

Rick was the one who broke the silence. "What about you? What are going to do?"

"What can I do? We'll talk and text and Skype, and when I'm not doing that, I'll probably be counting down the days til he's home for Christmas break."

"Wow! Christmas, that's quite a way off isn't it?"

"Don't remind me."

Her dad took a breath as if to say something but then paused and turned so they were facing. It was hard to see each other in the dim light, but not impossible.

"Do you still get that five day weekend just after midterms?"

"Reading weekend? Yeah it's the end of October. Why?"

"Your mom lives less than an hour from the campus. I think you should go stay with her that weekend. You let her take you shopping one afternoon and I'm sure she won't mind if you spend the rest of the time with Ashley. I'll even charter your flights so you can have as much time as possible in California."

"Daddy," Alexis exclaimed, reverting to the childhood endearment in her excitement. "You'd do that for me? Even after all the trouble I've caused?"

"You haven't caused any trouble, Alexis. You've been thrown into some tough situations and have reacted to them, but you aren't at any fault. I think most people in your position would be even less understanding than you have been. And yes, I would do that for you, because I know how much it hurts when you can't be close to the one you love. Just promise me that you'll be... um, responsible. I know you're growing up fast, but I need to know you're still my little girl for a while longer."

"I love you so much Dad, and no matter how old I get or where I am, I'll always be your little girl."

"Good, and don't go forgetting that."

XXXXXXXXXXX

"Gram, it's Saturday night. Why aren't you dressed?" Alexis, who was perched on a bar stool, stared at her grandmother from over the top of her laptop.

"Dressed for what, Dear? Did I forget something?"

"I don't know, did you? You never stay home on Saturday nights. Are you feeling OK?"

"Don't be so dramatic I feel wonderful. Even a social butterfly like myself can enjoy some down time now and then."

The teen raised one eyebrow skeptically.

"Well if you must know, Philip threw out his back playing racquetball this morning at the club, and to hear him talk about it, you'd think he was hit by a truck during that last swing. Needless to say he's not up for dinner and dancing tonight."

Alexis chuckled and went back to what she was doing. "That sounds more like it."

Martha continued to putter around the kitchen, bringing out two glasses which she filled with milk and then a plate of cookies that she placed next to Alexis on the counter.

"And what about you? No big plans tonight?"

"Ash finally got internet in his room so we've made a date to video chat but it's still early there."

"Ahhh, gotta love the internet. It makes the world a little smaller each day. You kids today don't realize just how well you have it! When I was your age, we were thankful for..."

"Stone tablets and carrier pigeons?" Alexis inserted playfully.

Martha swatted her arm gently. "No! I was going to say telephones! And just because your father isn't here, doesn't mean you need to pick up his smart alec remarks."

Martha sat down on the stool next to her, picked up a chocolate chip cookie and nibbled on it. "So what are you doing right now?"

"I'm checking out things to do around Stanford's campus."

"I thought you decided to wait until next fall to go to college. Have you changed your mind after less than one week away from him?"

"No. Dad is letting me go visit Ash in October. Well I'm visiting mom, but you know what that will be like."

"Oh yes, I did hear about that. I have to admit I was a bit surprised to hear that it was his idea, but your dad has changed this summer. He's grown up a lot."

Alexis lost interest in her computer and gave all her attention to her Gram."What do you mean by that?"

"Well this is just my observation, but I think your dad has learned one of the toughest lessons any of us ever have to learn. And that is, if you love someone, and I mean really really love them, you have to let go of them. Cuz if you let them go and they come back, they'll stay forever. With Kate, he's giving her the space she asked for and is hoping she'll reach back out to him, maybe for a life time. With you, it may be even harder. You won't be with him forever. You're his baby and you're getting ready to fly, maybe to a new nest, whether he's ready for that or not. He can hold on as tight as he wants, but it will still happen; and that's the way it's supposed to be. But by giving you your wings now while he's still there to catch you, he's not only teaching you to fly, he's showing you how to fly back to him if you need him or at the very least for visits and holidays."

"I never thought about it that way. He probably feels worse than I realized. The two people he loves the most and wants to protect the most are the two people pulling away from him. He must feel so torn."

"I'm sure he does. But think about it, if he has really let go, he's not being pulled anymore. Now he's just waiting to see who comes back."

"Wow. That's really deep. Did you figure that all out when you were a life coach?"

Martha looked away and patted her hair. "No. Actually it was a comic in last Sunday's New York Times."

Alexis burst out laughing. "You're kidding!"

"I wish I was Kiddo, but wisdom is wisdom no matter the source!"

After their laughter subsided, Alexis grew introspective. "Gram. I think I need to reconsider some things. You're right about me leaving the nest. My time here with you and dad is limited, and maybe Dad's not the only one who's been trying to hold on too tight."

Martha sat back and smiled at her granddaughter. "Could it be that you're learning the lesson too?"

"I think that maybe I am."

**X**

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**A/N With a little luck I'll be able to wrap this story up this weekend. Right now it looks like Sunday night, but at the latest, Monday before the premiere. I'm very excited that I was able to stick to the schedule I'd hoped for. Tomorrow's chapter (which I'm excited to give you... I think you'll like it) is complete and the final chapter and epilogue are being written.**

**As I write these final sections, I just want to take the time to thank you again for all the amazing support you guys have given me for this story. I never expected it to be this well received. Each of you who have given me feedback, has encouraged me to keep going... to get the story from my head to the page, and there are days where that is a colossal feat. So thank you from the bottom of my shipper heart.**

**Have a wonderful night and as always happy reading.**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

The first day of school was always a half day, so that Monday, Alexis went out with some friends for lunch. When they ended up at Remy's, she couldn't help but think of her dad and Kate and all that had been going on. A plan started to form in her head.

More than once throughout the meal, people pointed out that Alexis was distracted and joked that her mind was on the other coast. Happy to let them think that, she didn't deny their assumptions.

When everyone's burgers and fries were gone, some people headed home to begin assignments that were already handed out; the rest who stayed, debated the pros and cons of going to the mall versus going to a movie.

"What do you wanna do, Lex?" Paige asked.

"Um, I think I'm gonna pass this time. I have some things I need to do, but you guys go have fun."

"Oooooooh is Ashley waiting to 'video chat' with you?" Macy asked while waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Eeew. No. nothing like that. I just have a stop I need to make before I go home."

"OK. Whatever! Tell him hi for us!"

Alexis just shook her head, handed Paige some money for her meal and headed out the door.

The two blocks between Remy's and the 12th Precinct made for a short but pleasant walk. Before long, she was on the elevator heading up to the bull pen.

"Hey! Its Little Castle" Detective Esposito announced as soon as she stepped out. Ryan looked up from his desk, smiled and waved.

She headed toward the guys but glanced around as she went. Everything looked the same but there was something definitely different. It just felt odd.

"If you're looking for your dad, he isn't here. In fact, I haven't seen him round here for over a week."

Alexis nodded at Ryan. "Yeah I know. He's on his book tour for Heat Rises."

Esposito nodded. "Oh yeah. I knew that was coming up. Well if you're not looking for him, what can we do for ya Chica?"

"Actually I was looking for Kate, I mean, Detective Beckett."

"She's not here." Ryan dropped his voice and looked over Alexis' shoulder while he spoke. "Captain Gates told her not to come back in until she's ready for duty, which is at least another couple of weeks."

"Oh." She stood there for a moment thinking. She really wanted to talk to her in person and thought for sure she'd be here. _I guess that only leaves one other option._ "I really wanted to talk to her. Do you think she'd mind if you gave me her address?"

The two men shrugged and Ryan turned to his desk to jot down the information.

When he was finished, she pocketed the yellow post-it note and thanked the guys for their help before turning back to the elevator. As she waited for the doors to open, Alexis got the distinct feeling she was being watched. A quick look over her right shoulder told her the guys were already back to work so it wasn't them.

She let her eyes roam slowly over the entire floor, and then she spotted her. A statuesque woman stood in the doorway of Montgomery's old office with her arms folded over her chest, blatantly staring at her.

Feeling conspicuous, Alexis looked away just as the doors opened. She stepped in and hit the button for the ground floor but was careful not to look back up into the woman's hard gaze.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Taking a deep breath, she wiped her palms on her jeans and then lifted her hand to knock on the door in front of her.

The same instant that she wrapped her knuckles against the cool hard surface, Alexis had the urge to bolt down the hallway instead of going through with this, but she didn't have the chance to run because she could already hear the locks being unlatched.

The door opened a crack, revealing only Kate's green eyes, but then it flew completely open.

"Alexis!"

"Hi Kate. I hope you don't mind me just stopping by unannounced like this."

"No, not at all, come on in."

Kate stepped back allowing Alexis to enter the apartment but then closed and securely locked the door again.

"Wow, you've got a great place!"

"Thanks! You knew of course that my last place, um, well... blew up. So your dad had his guy do a little looking for me and found that this place had just been foreclosed on. I got it for a steal!"

"I'm glad you did. It's really nice. I'd love something like this in a few years."

"If the housing economy doesn't pick up I'm sure you'll have quite a few to choose from." She paused and led Alexis to the couch. "Can I get you something to drink or eat?"

"No! I'm great, but thanks. You look good."

"Thanks I'm getting there. Hopefully another week or two and maybe Gates will give me my badge back."

Kate sat down on the other end of the couch.

"The new chief took your badge?"

"Yeah. She doesn't trust me, and frankly I'm not really her fan either. Hopefully it will all blow over after I get back into the routine."

"Yeah." Alexis looked down at her hands, trying to work up the courage to broach the topic that brought her there.

Kate, in true Kate fashion, beat her to the punch. "So, what brings you to my neck of the woods? Something tells me it's not just because you missed me."

As Kate spoke, Alexis looked into her eyes, and found the courage she was looking for. "I came here to talk to you about, well, about everything."

"OK."

"Before I get into it all, I want you to know that I'm not angry at you. I never was. I was upset by the situation and afraid of the possibilities and to be honest, I was angry at my dad, but not at you. If you thought that I was upset at you, I'm sorry."

"I didn't know. You certainly had the right to be."

"No I didn't. You haven't done anything wrong. No matter what's going on between you and my dad, you've always treated me kindly and lately, even as a friend. I know that day you left, you heard part of the fight between my dad and I, and it probably sounded like we were fighting about you, but we weren't. We were fighting about him. For three years he's followed you around. At first I was a little nervous about it, but figured there was no way the NYPD would let him get in over his head. Then the longer he did it, the more routine it became until it got to the point that even though I knew he was putting his life on the line right along side of you and the guys, it didn't really sink in as to how dangerous that really was. Then the Captain was killed and you were shot, and I saw him almost jump in front of the bullet... and suddenly it all became crystal clear. My dad is one of you guys now and it ripped my heart out. All these fears flooded me and I couldn't break free of them. My dad is a writer not a cop. He shouldn't be risking his life like this."

Alexis was surprised to see Kate's eyes become glassy as she talked. It was an emotional moment for both of them.

Kate opened her mouth to respond, but Alexis reached out and touched her wrist. "Wait, I can't stop there."

The detective nodded and sat forward ready to hear the girl out.

"After you left, we talked again, a couple times. I told him straight out that I wasn't trying to keep him away from you, personally; I just really didn't want him to work with you anymore."

Beckett's eyebrows raised quickly but she didn't interrupt.

"I don't know if he told you that there was a chance I'd graduate early and go to Stanford with my boyfriend next semester, but I even offered him a deal where if he agreed not to shadow you for a year, I'd stay home and graduate in the spring with the rest of my class."

Kate's mouth dropped open, creating an O with her lips. Her shock was extremely evident. "And?"

"And he accepted."

Kate took a deep breath and looked up to the ceiling.

"But when he comes home from the book tour, I think I'm going to tell him I changed my mind."

Beckett again brought her attention back to Alexis who was still talking.

"I know how much this is hurting him now, and I can see it on your face too. I can't ask him to give up his passion. Not for my fears. If he comes back to follow you or... or whatever else may develop outside the station, that's between you and him. This next year that I'll be home still, is going to go by so fast and I don't want to look back at it one day with regret. If our time together is limited because I'm growing up, or because he's moving on or even because of something worse... police related or otherwise; I want that time to be happy not sad."

"Wow Alexis, that's a very mature attitude to have. I don't know that I would have been able to think so clearly when I was your age. In fact, I know I wouldn't have. I was only a year or so older than you when I lost my mom, and I spent so much time afterward wishing I could go back and change things, but that was time wasted. It was only recently that I accepted that and realized that I was better off remembering the time we did have together instead."

"But you're still trying to solve her case."

Kate didn't appear surprised that Alexis knew that.

"I am. And when I do, it won't change the fact that she's gone, but it will guarantee that justice will be served, and then maybe her death won't be in vain."

The room grew quiet while they were both lost in their thoughts.

Eventually, Kate reached out and took Alexis' hand and held it. It reminded her of the day in the hospital; the first time she took her hand.

"Alexis, I don't know what is going on with your dad and me. I don't even know what I want to happen. But I want to tell you, woman to woman, that no matter what the future holds, whether it be friendship, or partnership or more, that I can promise you I will do everything I can to protect him and you. I can't promise bad things won't happen. I can't promise that it will never hurt. But I can give you my word that I will always keep you both as physically safe as possible and I will never intentionally hurt either of you emotionally either. I care about him very much, and I know you know that. But I care about you too."

She was floored. She figured Kate would be nice, but this was so much more than she'd hoped for. Tears fell shamelessly from her cheeks, and without even thinking, she found herself leaning in to share a hug with Kate.

"I'm glad you came to me. You always can, no matter what. OK?"

"OK."

Finally when their tears were replaced with smiles, they wiped their cheeks and relaxed.

"I'm in the mood for some ice cream, how about you?" Kate asked as she stood and headed to the kitchen.

Alexis nodded and followed and soon they were both digging in to fully loaded bowls of Thin Mint ice cream at Kate's table.

After several bites, Kate stopped and looked thoughtfully at the younger woman.

"Alexis?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"Since you're letting your dad out of his half of the deal, does that mean you're going to go back to an early graduation?"

She shook her head slowly. "No. I thought about it, and trust me, I'm tempted. Ash has only been gone a week and I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest, but I can't. I know Ashley and I trust him. He'll wait for me. It won't be easy, but I need to be home this last year."

"I'm glad, cuz I'll miss you when you're gone."

Warmed by Kate's unexpected words, Alexis' cheeks burst into a bright smile. "I'll miss you too."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

In the three weeks that her dad was on tour, Alexis' entire outlook improved. She was still nervous about her dad's safety should he choose to go back to work with Kate, but after realizing how important it was to him and talking with Kate, she had a new perspective on the situation.

She did feel a little guilty for not telling him right away, but she wanted to tell him in person. When they talked, he never brought up Kate or anything concerning the Twelfth, so she didn't either. Mostly they just stuck to how their days were going and whatever other mediocre chit chat came up.

On the afternoon that her dad was flying back in from Houston, she texted him, hoping that he wasn't on his flight yet.

**Dad, U on the plane yet?**

A few minutes later her phone buzzed with his response.

**No, the flight has been delayed by bad weather. Running about an hour late.**

**So you'll be landing around 7?**

**Should be.**

**Great. I'll pick u up.**

**U don't have to. JFK is out of your way.**

**I know. I want to. Missed U.**

**Miss U 2 Punkin. Meet U in baggage claim?**

**I'll B there. Cya soon.**

**Love U**

**Love U 2**

After the conversation was over, she checked her watch. It was time to get going or she would definitely be late. Since going to Kate's apartment to talk with her, the two had been meeting once a week for coffee. Today they were meeting at a gourmet cupcake shop near Kate's place that specialized in cappuccino cakes. Alexis was looking forward to both the sweet treat and the company.

Kate and Alexis' new friendship was certainly nontraditional. Not only were they becoming good friends, but they were starting to fill a particular void in each others lives as well, in an odd sisterly, mother-daughter sort of way. Despite the uniqueness of the relationship it was a healthy one, and that was good for both of them. Alexis only hoped that no matter what happened with Kate and her father's relationship in the future, that they would still be able to remain close.

The afternoon passed quickly, and what was originally planned to be only an hour or half hour together, turned into three as they talked about Kate returning to work, school, guys and fashion. By the time, they realized how much time had passed, the sun was beginning it's slow decent.

"Oh gosh Kate, look at the time. It's already past five. I need to go. I'm picking my dad up at the airport in less than two hours, and traffic is gonna kill."

"Yeah I need to go too. My dad's coming for dinner, and I haven't even started it yet."

"What are you making?"

Kate blushed and rolled her eyes. "Chinese take out."

Alexis laughed with her new friend at the joke. "Well you better get home then or you'll never have it done on time."

The two headed out the door and shared a brief hug on the sidewalk before parting ways.

XXXXXXXXXXX

When Alexis made it to the airport she found that the flight had just landed about ten minutes earlier. The cab she had hired was waiting in the loading zone while she went in to find her dad.

She didn't have to wait long before she spotted him coming through the crowd. He already had his bags over his shoulder but slipped them to the ground and opened his arms as she walked to him. When their embrace lasted a bit longer than usual, Alexis pulled back, tipped her head and smiled. "I missed you too, Dad."

"Oh." He grinned. "Does it show?"

"Just a bit."

"I can't help it. You're a sight for these sore old eyes."

Alexis grabbed one of the bags and hoisted it to her shoulder. "Well come on Grandpa. Let's get this stuff home. I'm sure you're hungry and I'm treating us to dinner."

The trip back to the loft was spent mostly catching up on the little details of the last three weeks. After dropping his bags off at home, they continued their conversation as they headed out to eat.

Back in the cab again, Alexis gave the driver the address for the restaurant.

"Isn't that the address for Remy's?" Her dad asked.

"Yup," she nodded but didn't offer anything more.

He cocked his head at her and smiled with confusion.

"I didn't know you liked Remy's."

"It's growing on me. I know you're always talking about it, so when Kate was in the hospital, I brought her a shake from there, and it looked so good I went back and got one for myself a couple days later. Then after school one day some of us went there to eat. It's pretty good."

"Cool. Have your tried their aged cheddar and pot roast sandwich on the pretzel roll?"

"No, but it sounds good."

"You have no idea! And it's topped with the best caramelized onions you've ever had."

"That does sound amazing. I think I know what I'm ordering tonight."

XXXXXXXXXXX

When they were settled in the oversized red booth and had placed their identical orders of pot roast sandwich platters with sides of sweet potato fries, cinnamon apples and Pepsi, Alexis finally got down to business.

"There's another reason I brought you here tonight Dad."

He sighed and rolled his eyes, but never lost the grin he'd been wearing ever since they left the airport. "How much is it going to cost me?"

"Nothing. I'm not asking for anything."

He raised a skeptical eyebrow at her and nodded for her to continue.

"Before you left, I noticed how sad you were and I couldn't stop thinking about it while you were gone."

He tried to interrupt but she stopped him. "Hold on. I need you to hear me out."

"OK, sorry. Please continue."

"Anyway, it was really bothering me, because I've seen you sad or worried or apathetic, but never depressed like that. It was even different from how you were after the shooting."

She dropped her eyes from his and fiddled nervously with her paper napkin, and then the waitress brought the drinks so she waited until they were alone again.

"I also realized that I was to be blamed for a lot of that."

He frowned and shook his head adamantly while trying to talk over her but again she stopped him. "Please let me finish."

He didn't look happy about it but conceded.

"So I did some serious thinking and I even talked to Gram. She helped me to see that if I love you like I know I do, I love you enough to let you go. I can't hold on to you so tightly that you can't live your life. That won't keep you safe or make you happy."

She took a quick sip from her pop and then kept talking, "Then like two days after I talked with Gram, my friends and I ended up here for lunch, and it reminded me so much of you and Kate that I had this epiphany of sorts. So as soon as I was done eating, I went and found Kate and talked with her. I apologized for letting her think our fight was triggered by her and explained what was going on with me; with us. I told her that it wasn't her that made me upset, it was that you insisted on being a part of her job and the fact that it puts you into so much danger. I told her that I support you and her being together if that ever works out. And I told her about the deal we made and how I was starting to regret it. We talked about all of this stuff and then she assured me that no matter what the future holds, whether it be professionally or personally, she would always do her best to keep you safe and happy. So I've made a decision. It is time for me to let go. I'm OK with you going back to work with Kate, if that's what you want."

Her father was dumbfounded and still had his jaw open when their food was placed in front of them.

"Oh and so you know, whatever you guys decide about work or dating or whatever, I'm not going to graduate early. I want to enjoy this year that I'm still home with you and Gram and everyone here."

"Alexis. I don't know what to say. You've completely surprised me. Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I want you to be happy."

"But I want you to be happy too."

"I will be, as long you promise to be careful. I don't know what's going to happen, and I can't keep you safe by stressing about it. You could just as easily be shot helping Kate as you could be in a plane crash or hit by a car. Worrying doesn't change things. When you work with Kate and the guys, you're happy, you're invested in what you're doing. If someone asked me to step away from something that made me feel like that, I would be devastated... like you were. I'm sorry I did that to you."

"But it was worth it to me, to see your fears at ease. That's part of being a dad I guess."

"Then thank you for being so selfless, but you don't have to be. I want things to go back to the way they were. I'm sure of it."

To punctuate the fact that she'd said her piece, she picked up her sandwich and took a big juicy bite. He followed her lead and for a while they ate in companionable silence.

"Even though you don't mind me shadowing Beckett anymore, I still don't know that I'll be going back. I haven't talked to her in forever and even if she's ready for me to be back, not everyone is. The new Captain is by the book, and trust me when I say that book does not focus on Nikki Heat."

"Yeah, I think I saw her when I went to the station to speak to Kate. Is she the woman in Montgomery's old office who's eyes shoot daggers from afar?"

"Oh yeah. Her name is Captain Gates, but behind her back, Ryan says they call her "Iron Gates."

"I can see that. She was kinda scary."

"Yeah! And she is not a fan!"

"Is she who helped you make the decision to stay home for the year?"

"Well I'd pretty much already made up my mind, but when she kicked me out of the station after she saw me looking at the murder board with the guys, it kinda solidified it."

"So if she doesn't want you there? What are you going to do?"

Alexis popped a fry in her mouth and watched the wheels turn in her father's head.

"She hasn't experienced the Castle charm yet," he answered.

"I don't see her as being the type that will be swayed by charm... or bribery. You may have met your match on this one."

"Maybe so, but if Beckett and the boys want me back too, maybe we can all sway her."

"Good luck with that, especially if you and Kate get together. I don't see that working in your favor with the new captain."

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Before I can worry about any of that, I have to get Beckett to even talk to me."

"You know what I think is funny. You almost always call her Beckett, even to her face, and she always calls you Castle. Yet her and I are on a first name basis."

"When did you guys get so close?"

"She's always told me to call her Kate, but while she was recovering, I was seeing her so much that it didn't feel weird anymore. And now these last couple weeks we've hung out a couple times, and I really consider her a friend."

"Wow, I didn't even notice. We've used our first names on occasion, but for the most part we're just Castle and Beckett to each other. "

"I wonder how long that will last," she answered with a knowing smirk.

"Only time will tell I guess."


	15. Epilogue

Epilogue

The next afternoon Alexis was just coming home as her dad was getting ready to go out.

"Hey Dad!

"Hey Sweetie."

"What's up? You headed out?"

"Yeah I am. I talked to Beckett today finally. She wants to talk."

"That's great! So you're going to her place?"

He shook his head as he picked up his keys and a copy of "Heat Rises."

"No, I'm meeting her at the park."

"Well that should be nice. It's a beautiful day to be out."

Her father wrapped his arm around Alexis' shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "I love you Honey."

She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him back. "I know you do Dad. I love you too."

They stepped apart and he reached for the door but Alexis spoke up again before he left. "Good luck!"

He looked back to her and saw the joy and sincerity in her eyes and smiled. "Thanks!"

And on that parting word he left.

Alexis couldn't stop smiling after her dad was gone. She was genuinely happy for him and if all worked out, for Kate as well. It had been a long, hard summer, but it was past them now and a new chapter was just beginning. Like her Gram always said, "The darkest hour of the night is always the one just before the sun begins to rise."

The End

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**A/N Well, it's less than 24 hours (at least in my time zone) until we Rise. We made it through the hiatus. And I don't know about you, but for me, reading and writing fic, certainly helped it go by faster.**

**Thank you for taking time to read "Live, Learn, Love and Let Go." I hope you enjoyed reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you did, please share it with your friends!**

**To those of you who added me to your alerts, wrote reviews, PMs, and Tweets, thank you so much. You are an amazing encouragement. But I want to thank those of you who just quietly read along too. I don't do this for the feedback, I do it for the story, and it you enjoyed it...even a little, that's what really matters.**

**And finally much thanks to my friend Teelduo, for all you do. I know I say it a lot, but I mean it every time.**

**Well, I'll leave you alone now. Have a wonderful night and enjoy tomorrow's premier!**

**With much gratitude,**

**DeBo81**


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